Bethany in a Box

Travel-weary Bethany

2009-03-03T09:48:00.000-08:00

In Which Bethany Recounts Her Eventful Travel Experiences From The Weekend.

For those of you who follow me on Twitter (@squaredonut) or are friends with me on Facebook, you'll know some of the drama of my Sunday and Monday at the airports and in between.

But there were plenty who expressed confusion over what the HECK I'd gotten myself into and several who haven't heard the story, so come back later today as I try to piece together my attempts to get back to Houston this weekend.

Stay tuned! (I'm not gonna lie - it might be this evening.)

- Bethany

Devastated Bethany

2009-02-25T06:58:00.000-08:00

In Which Bethany Loses All The Data On Her Precious Mac And Has To Start From Scratch

Yeah. I'm still in shock from the news I got last night at the Apple Store. My hard drive is gone. What makes this so hard to believe is that I'd just been using my computer an hour before - I was just being grumpy about it running SLOW. And if I hadn't tried to fix it myself (using Apple's support site, mind you - nothing even half-sketchy!), I probably could have saved everything.

I know, I know - I should have had a backup. (Especially since witnessing @kristenrudd's data woes last year.) So... I've been thinking about the whole backup issue for a while, and the biggest problem I had with it was - what if there's a fire and I lose my computer? It won't help anything if the hard drive's in the house too! And online storage is so stinkin' expensive. But I'd been putting off a decision that I now realize should have been resolved a LONG time ago.

The good news is that last spring, I dropped my PowerBook and smashed the screen. How is that good, you ask? On that computer, only the screen is broken. Thus, two partially broken machines = one pretty decent one. I've at least got everything through last April/May. And I found a good program that should let me grab everything from my iPhone.

But I've spent the last several months cleaning off my hard drive, deleting lots of files (i.e., photos I would never ever need/want) and cataloging them. I even got iLife '09 and had started using the facial recognition feature! All that work is now useless.

The moral of this story, kids? BACK UP YOUR SHIT. Because you never know what can happen.

Update: Just to explain the fascination with all things Mac...
Yes, Macs crash on occasion. Yes, Macs get bugs (though supposedly they don't get viruses). Yes, once in a blue moon, Apple sends out an update that messes your computer up (the move to DRM-free music on iTunes messed up a lot of people's iPhones... including mine, of course).

The difference? You can walk in to the Apple Store, and 99% of the time they have an answer to your problem. And since they own both the hardware and the software, there's no one else to blame. Therefore, they can't be like PC manufacturers and send you to Microsoft, who sends you back to the manufacturer, who then sends you to another company... the cycle can go on for-ev-VER.

My friends, you actually get help the first time you ask with Apple. So if you're a PC know-it-all, Mac probably isn't the way for you. But for those of us who can't repair our own computers, Mac is the way to go, for sure.

Because even when I'm practically sobbing as I leave the store, I WAS given an answer and they DID fix the problem... they just didn't find my files.

Saluting-Her-Heritage Bethany

2009-02-24T07:00:00.000-08:00

In Which The Bethany Who Takes Pride In Her German Heritage Steps To The Mic

I get oodles of questions about the meaning behind my user name/blog address/email address, "square donut". People always think I'm so creative with that title, that I've picked something so incredibly random.

I hate to burst your bubble, but I gotta tell on myself. I'm not that creative.

"Square donut" is one of the translations of my last name. Rather, you can buy a pastry called a Fasnacht in Amish Country (maybe other places, too).

I even tried to make them from scratch for a seventh-grade immigration project. (I mean, how perfect was it that my last name was actually relevant to the project! I knew I'd be the hit of the class. Please don't mention how much of a geek I am; it only gets worse.)

However, the recipe (which I declare a translation from my family straight from Germany - I don't care if it's true or not) didn't work out very well, so I just ended up using a doughnut recipe and called them Fasnachts. No one knew the difference, and I'm sure I got a wonderful grade on the project, like always. :o)

Back to Fasnachts. Since the Lenten season is drawing nigh, people all over the world are about to celebrate me. Or at least my last name. I just like to pretend I'm THAT cool. (But I've got an older sister who regularly bursts that bubble.)

ANYway. Fasnacht - the day celebrated 'round the world. Never heard of it? That's just because you don't speak German. People get drunk, overindulge, flash their assets, etc. on this day. *sigh* shouldn't I be proud?

Yep, my surname is the day of the year where everyone acts like the beasts we are in preparation for 40+ days of fasting/denial/self-flaggelation/whatever as a symbol for the 40 days Christ spent in the desert before he started his ministry.

Just like the weekend before you start your crash diet, people all over the world stuff themselves full of everything's that bad for them (food AND otherwise, of course) before they give it all up in worship to God. (No comments here about how the best idea would be to just NOT DO THOSE THINGS in the first place, I promise.)

Fasnacht = Shrove Tuesday = Fat Tuesday. But I prefer NOT to use the "Fat Tuesday" title and will forevermore use the more friendly "Fluffy Tuesday" in its place.

The coolest part of my name's history is that there are Fasnacht pastries because apparently lots of Germans like their doughnuts and would GORGE themselves on Fluffy Tuesday before they gave sweets up for Lent.

Which all means I come by my self-indulgence genetically. I'm saluting my heritage without even trying! :o) I mean, how could I hold my head up high if I was a skinny, size zero model??? My last name would mean nothing!

So people of the world unite! On this Tuesday, remember to raise your pudgy, doughnut-filled hand as a salute to me and my forefathers. Because we're one of the many reasons why we all could use a diet (or for the more holy among us, could use a little fasting).

I'M BACK!

2009-02-22T19:46:00.001-08:00

Hello, interwebs! I'm back! It's been forever since I've blogged, and I need a place to be creative, to be weird, to ~~mock my sister~~ do whatever I want.

The new theme is "Bethany in a Box".

I've recently come to the conclusion that I compartmentalize everything in my life.

There's Work Bethany - she's pretty cheerful, a hard worker, vigilant about people doing the best work they can, and chock-full of adrenaline from all the last minute projects that come through her department.

There's Home Bethany - she doesn't move once she gets in the house. If the grocery shopping doesn't get done on the way home, it's not getting done. She also needs a lot of space and is quite grumpy when she doesn't get it.

There's Church Bethany - she's a great worker bee, but has gotten to the point where she can only focus on the production quality of the service, not the actual content. Which has to change, pronto! But this Bethany's pretty darn reliable, too.

There's Friend Bethany - she can be loyal, but she's also flaky. She might not return your email or wall post for quite some time. It's not because she doesn't care... she even has several responses written in her head. They just never make it to you because Friend Bethany's not the greatest at follow-through.

There's Family Bethany - this one can get mixed with Home Bethany too much. Family Bethany's best friends are her mom and her sister, but they're also really annoying at times. (A statement that her mother disagrees with, btw.) Family Bethany also gets frustrated that no one likes to make plans, and that the end game is very rarely what she had expected. She also tries to spend a night a week, getting fed by her sister and spending time with her nephews and neice.

This is only a few of the Bethanys that might come out of the box on this blog. Feel free to mock - I fully intend to!

And maybe down the road, the Bethany that comes out of the box to write on this blog might be an amalgamation of them all.

Coming soon: Saluting-her-heritage Bethany - just in time for the holiday celebrating her family (if you know German, that is)

life gets away from me...

2007-02-01T23:36:00.000-08:00

Hello all! It's been a long time since I've posted anything, and I am here to say it's not because nothing big has happened to me. And it seems that I never post because I don't know how to catch up. (And, as I've said in the past, I compose blogs in my head and never commit them to webpage.)

- My sister's episode of Wife Swap aired! (I thought I'd put this at the top of the list, since it was the last thing I posted)
- I went to Ireland with a bunch of people...and I only knew two people when I got there! But I fell in love (totally platonically) with our Irish guide, made tons of friends, and have plenty of people to stay with when I visit Denver someday (and check out my photos!)
- My younger sister (adopted) was in a car accident and is on her VERY long road to recovery
- My company bought a much larger company and things are somewhat stressful as we face the changes (and I've volunteered to move temporarily to Dayton, Ohio, to help with the transition - but that offer hasn't been accepted yet)
- a new friend! A chick named Laura Holt started working in my department at work, and we have totally clicked.
- So many little things that I can't count...

I am just writing to say that I haven't forgotten about this little thing we like to call a blog...and I don't want this to be a biography on my life. Hopefully, I will talk about issues and things on my mind. But also a place where people can catch up with what I've been doing for the past days/months/weeks/years.

So stay tuned for more in the days ahead!

Real life vs. "reality" TV

2006-09-04T13:58:00.000-07:00

So, as most of you know, I have a different view of the "reality TV" topic. A couple weeks ago, my sister left for a week at another woman's house as a part of the hit ABC show, Wife Swap.

OMG, right?

Obviously, I can't say much about it right now because I don't want to jeopardize my sister's spot on the show, but I just have to say that I was naive. My thought was, "Well, it's obviously not ALL of what this person's about, but we're obviously seeing events that DO go on, right?"

Riiiiiight...

Let's just say that my family will no longer be watching Wife Swap after Dana's episode airs. I remember being very critical of a woman on the show who said to the house-husband during the "rule change": "I think a man should be providing for his family by doing manual labor." I thought, how in the world can she think that??? Manual labor??? Plenty of men provide for their family with office jobs!

What I think now is, I wonder who made that decision? I wonder what that woman really thought about this guy working outside the home? AND I wonder how much fun it was to send this very metro-sexual man out to dig ditches? :0) So...sorry for judging you, lady.

Because, how will my sister be judged by America? And how will her family look on TV? Who the heck knows. Because they have 150 hours that have to be cut to 22 minutes...for the Clover family alone.

All this to say, I'm very happy for my sister and this opportunity. And VERY happy that it's over! I promise to tell everyone when it airs, and hopefully to defend my sister's honor if anything bad seems to be happening.

AND I am much closer to my niece, Brooke! She spent the night at my house a couple nights, and I got to take care of her for half of the week. She is absolutely adorable (which I knew beforehand), and I love to be with her. While my four pre-adolescent nephews are (jokingly) my "birth control", my time with Brooke makes me greatly anticipate that time in my life when I have children.

Disclaimer: my nephews are great, too. It's just that hormones and arguments between the four of them can definitely take away from their attractive qualities. Again, let's see how they look on TV!

Four Things

2006-04-26T21:19:00.000-07:00

I wasn't tagged per se...but it was implied that I should consider myself tagged.

Four Jobs I've Had: (I could name 7 from last year alone!)
* Technical Writer at Universal Computer Systems
* Worship Assistant at Faithbridge UMC
* Barista at Starbucks
* Editorial Intern at HTexas Magazine (check out my work - google "Bethany Fasnacht" and click on any link to the HTexas website)

Four Movies I Can Watch Over And Over:
* 50 First Dates
* Friends (okay, it's not a movie, but I watch it on DVD, so it counts)
* Vertical Limit (I'll watch just about any sports movie, but this is a good, intense one)
* Under the Tuscan Sun

Four Tv Shows I Watch:
* Lost
* CBS' Thursday night lineup - Survivor/CSI/Without a Trace
* Top Chef
* Gilmore Girls

Four Places I've Been On Vacation:
* London (for Thanksgiving...the AMERICAN holiday)
* Akron/Cleveland, OH
* Miami, FL (I would recommend this beautiful city to anyone!)
* San Francisco and northern California

Four Dishes I Never Get Sick Of:
* Homemade chili (NORTHERN chili, that is - with sugar and just a pinch of chili powder)
* Mac & cheese
* Spaghetti
* Taco Bell tacos

Four Websites I Visit Daily:
* Yahoo! Mail
* Yahoo!/MSN Games
* Blogger/Blogspot (Blogger's where you write, blogspot's where you read)
* Wells Fargo

Four Places I'd Rather Be Right Now:
* In bed sleeping
* in NC doing anything else (if you're wondering why, I'm hoping that NC will be my next home)
* hanging out with my sister, nephews, niece, and various farm animals
* chilling by a lake/river/creek/ocean/other body of water

Four People I Tag:
* Katie
* Missa
* Sharon (who I never talk to, but stay up to date on her life via blogspot and KT)
* ???

People are annoying, pt. 2

2006-04-25T20:38:00.000-07:00

Just a note to everyone out there: Not everyone enjoys the same topics you do. Have a heart and put a little variety in your conversations!

I try pretty hard (I don't know how successfully - people don't tell me) to not give too much information about the things that I do. I figure that I should give them the basics, and they can ask questions if they would like to know more. That way, I'm not boring people with endless stories about myself. I think I've gotten pretty good at this, though again, I've never gotten confirmation.

I also do my best to be interested in what other people are talking about. I ask them questions when they're telling a story, and I bring it up later if there was something going on. People like others to be interested in what they're talking about. And why would you want to tell a story if no one seems interested?

I have a friend at work who really doesn't understand that concept. And it's getting on my nerves. He talks about one topic every day, and I'm really not interested. Especially when I hear him telling the exact same story to at least three other people in the department! OMG! Too much information! He has no concept of how to make a story short, and it drives me nuts. He's constantly pulling me away from my work, and he cannot come over, make a comment, and leave again. It would be okay if he says something and leaves - I do that to him all the time. No, he comes over and stays a while. EVERY TIME, EVERY HOUR...

It's just like talking on the phone - if every conversation you have with someone is really long, what are the chances you'll pick up the phone if you don't have 2 hours to spend talking? (Okay, did I just reveal too much about my tactics?) The same with this friend from work. I dread him coming over because it's never short. I think he's funny and I like hanging out with him. But it's always long, and I've got deadlines.

Quote from SNL to end this rant: "The FDA approved a new transdermal patch to treat depression. Just remove the backing, and place it over your mother's mouth." Or grandmother. Or other relative. Or friend. Or stranger...Could I get a package of 100?

Pollyanna

2006-04-17T20:20:00.000-07:00

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems but will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

Now, that's my kind of thinking!

Who am I?

2006-04-07T22:11:00.000-07:00

Bethany --

[noun]:

A human transformer (Robot in disguise)

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

my trials and tribulations

2006-04-07T20:49:00.000-07:00

Since no one in my family is either awake or around for me to complain to, you have the opportunity to hear it first-hand. It's nothing huge, and if you know me, it's nothing new.

MY GRANDMOTHER!!!

Sometimes she makes me so frustrated, I want to cry. Of course, I slightly dramatic, so I'm probably over-reacting. But that doesn't change the fact that she's crazy!

The latest thing, which isn't big, but just another example of what I'm dealing with here: when my grandmother died, I got her round, glass-topped table, which went into storage because I was away at school. Then I think it hung out at someone's house for a while, and then Grandma wanted it. She said her table (which is slightly like mine, but larger, octagon, and with gold legs) was too big for their small apartment, and they started using mine.

Well, when I started talking about moving out, it came up that I was going to need the table back. And wouldn't you know it, her only response is, "Well, that table is too big for my place, and I gave it to your mother!"

SO FREAKIN' WHAT?!?! That doesn't change the fact that you are using MY table! A table that I liked so much that I asked for it when Grandma Perkins died. A table that I paid good money to store for over a year so I could use it when I got my own place. A table that's stinkin' hard to move, but I've done so several times, just so I could keep it! Not to mention the fact that I can't stand her table - it's got a crack in it, and I HATE gold.

Yeah, yeah...I'm not moving out right now, but it came up again tonight. I reminded her of our division of property here at the house, because she was flabbergasted that my mother wanted a new dining room set. "But what is she going to do with that table?" Yes, because you gave it to her, Grandma, she should want to treasure it the rest of her long life! Because you conveniently forgot that the table you are currently using is NOT YOURS, you will be able to keep it...

I am so tired of having to put up with her logic - if it's not her world, it's not worth talking about. Since her life revolves around my dog, her cat, her health, and cleaning her small apartment, she cannot fathom why I want to sit around on Saturdays when I could be doing something to organize, clean, or otherwise engage myself. And don't bother telling her that you have stressful things in your life, just like her - I feel like she doesn't understand that I have a life outside this house, outside my family, and outside her realm of existence. (You can tell I'm angry - I'm getting verbose.)

When I try to rebel and not give in to the manipulation and insinuations, my relationship with her is on even rockier grounds. I hate how manipulative she is, and I hate how I respond. I've said to her before that we say things to each other, just to get on the other person's nerves, and it's true! I'm trying to annoy her enough so she changing how she acts, and she's acting like normal, waiting for me to give up and give in.

I am sick and tired of manipulation. I feel like everyone uses it, including me. I'm tired of responding to it, and I'm tired of using it - whether or not it gets me what I want.

Thanks for letting me vent...happy thoughts to come...

Family is the greatest

2006-04-03T21:54:00.000-07:00

Isn't it funny how quickly time can get away from you? When my sister and her family came over this weekend, I realized I hadn't seen her in over a month, and I hardly ever talk to her on the phone because of our different schedules.

And because I was incredibly burnt from working crazy hours and my commitments at church, I had backed away from everything, even my family. I was loving that I have had no evening commitments, but I decided that had to change for me to have a life.

So now, every Monday night, I make the trek to my sister's house so I can have dinner with her and her family. (1) I love my nephews and niece. (see "My Wonderful Nephew" blog for a pic of them all.) Having time with them is great. (2) My sister is a great cook. I don't know why I didn't get the same creative genes she has, but I'm sure glad that I get to benefit sometimes!

(3) It's much easier to make a commitment on Monday night than to commit to going out on Saturday or Sunday. Weekends are break time, so it's hard to get in the car and travel to her house - when there's projects looming over my head at the house and too much sleeping in to accomplish. On Mondays, I'm not at home, so I can just continue on from work. Also, on the weekends, there's no telling how long I'll be at Dana's. I'm not saying that's a bad thing (not in the least!), but it makes it hard to get other things done. On Mondays, the kids go to bed at 8:30, and I have to work the next day, so I can't stay too incredibly long.

It's a win/win/win situation. I get to develop my relationships with my nephews and niece, I get to hang with my sister, I get to eat her good cookin', and I can spend more time with my family than just the occasional weekend.

My tribute

2006-03-31T21:01:00.000-08:00

Taking after my best buds, Katie and Rachel, today's blog is a tribute.

My brother Dan would be 38 today. It's hard to believe that he would be so old - I have a brother who's almost 40!

He was a wonderful brother - he was 14 years older than me, and he was my favorite playmate when I was 4.

When he was a senior in high school, he went out for a late-night run and got struck by a car when he was crossing the street. This was by far the hardest thing that has ever happened to my family, and I don't feel that we've recovered, even after 20 years without him.

He was a salty, salty Christian, and his two goals were to show his friends that trusting Jesus Christ was the most important decision anyone could make and to become a doctor. We lived in Durham, NC, so of course he wanted to go to Duke. Which meant that throughout most of my childhood and adolescence, that's where I wanted to go, too. (Far cry from UH, huh?) I think good memories of our life in NC is one reason that I would love to move back there.

A week before he died, in a conversation with Mom, he told her that he was ready for Heaven, which was sort of a strange comment for a 17-year-old to make. And the night he got hit by a car, his last words to us were, "I'll see you later...or maybe I won't." Everyone was joking around when he went out the door for his run, but his words are still incredibly ironic.

One of my most painful memories of the night he died (January 14, 1986) was our next-door neighbor knocking on our door, bringing the news that Dan had been hit by a car. I was completely confused - whose Dan was it? Her son, who we called Danny K, was my sister's best friend, and I didn't want to believe that anything could happen to my Dan. (My family would have to vouch for the truth in this memory, but this is how I remember the evening happening.)

20 years after he left us and started dancing with the angels, his absence in our family is still felt. I can feel how proud he would be at me graduating college and getting a good job. I can see him tenderly holding my nephews and niece after they were born and loving them even in their most annoying moments. I can hear him talking patiently with Grandma, where all I have is exasperation. And I can see him beating up my Mom's stupid ex-husband - a job that Dana and I were able to accomplish somewhat, but Dan would have done it better.

And I know Dan was at Heaven's gates to welcome in my step-dad, Joe - thanking him for making us happy, but admonishing him that he shouldn't have left us so soon (a little more care on Joe's part would have saved us the grief of his accidental death). And he's partying with my brother, Ryan, who died in infancy because he was missing the left ventricle of his heart - Ryan can finally run, jump, laugh, and play like he never was able to here on earth. And he's hanging out with Grandpa, who in Mom's words, didn't want to leave Grandma, but was eager to get to Heaven and be with Dan. (Today's Grandpa's birthday as well, so they were super close - first child, same birthday, etc.)

But most of all, Dan's living it up in Heaven, praising our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He's the one who's got it good - he has a closer relationship with Him that comes from living/praising/worshipping/walking with Him 24/7, and he's living beyond all the sin and pain of earth.

So, happy birthday, Dan. We remember you each day, but it seemed extra special today when the family got together. Thank you for being in our lives, and we can't wait to see you again soon.

Hello there!

2006-03-28T20:51:00.000-08:00

So...it's been a while, hasn't it? Sorry about that. It's hard to get back in the swing of things once you stop. I didn't want to leave something that wasn't "blog-worthy" if it was my first entry in a long time.

Do I have a revelation tonight? No, not really. But the hiatus is over!

Things that I am loving right now:
(1) My new church building! I don't have a good picture right now, but trust me, it's great. We had our last Sunday in the nearby middle school and it's on to permanent facilities! We shall see how crazy this weekend is.

(2) My friends! Make new friends, but keep the old... I've been planning trips lately, and I love being able to keep in contact with my friends that have left the Houston area. And I've been feeling very nostalgic - I want to get in touch with my roommate from my years at John Brown, and I want to get in touch with a couple friends from high school. I remember that my friend Sarah's grandmother runs the general store in Round Top, so next time I go to our friend's ranch in Brenham, I'm hoping to talk to her grandmother and get her number.
My friend Katie came to visit me last weekend, and we had a GREAT weekend together! It was just us girls (not that I don't love Josh, but the two of us had fun just the same) and we talked, watched TV, talked, went shopping at the Galleria, goofed off, talked, ate at Katz's Deli (one of the best Houston eateries), and talked! We have decided that we're not great phone buddies, so we had lots of catching up to do when she came down.

(3) my dogs! I love the way they think they're lapdogs when they're really >50-pound boxers!

(4) my new DVR! It's not as good as Tivo, but I'm waiting until they add dual tuners to their boxes. Right now, I'm using Time Warner's service. All I gotta say is, get Tivo if you can! My favorite shows: any episode of CSI, Lost, Survivor, Gilmore Girls, and Without a Trace. And of course Friends, but I don't Tivo that since I have the DVDs.

(5) my new hairdo! I got all my hair chopped off on Saturday, and I'm loving how it always looks good when I look in the mirror. And all the compliments I've gotten. I haven't had short hair for something like 5 years (I haven't even had bangs until recently!), but it was definitely time.

TTFN!

my wonderful nephew, continued

2006-01-22T21:41:00.000-08:00

There's another auction! Check it out.

If the link doesn't work, you can probably get there the same way I mentioned in my last blog. Just go there soon, because it's only on for the next 6 days!

I put it 5 bids myself, but I'm planning on just giving each of the kids a choice. I don't think I'm creative enoughto come up with a great name myself.

my wonderful nephew

2006-01-21T19:50:00.000-08:00

See the one at the bottom? The one who's having trouble smiling because his brothers are quite heavy and his little sister is swaying back and forth to make them all fall over?

That's Craig. He's the oldest of them all. This week, he decided to help his mom get the cow she's been wanting forever (stop your snickering...I know she's a little bit country...And stop singing the song!)

ANYWAY...he decided to sell some of his stuff on eBay. If the link doesn't work, just go to eBay.com and write "my mom have a cow" in the search. Craig's auction will be the first one that pops up.

People just keep coming to this site! And supposedly (or is it supposably?) someone has notified our local news and the both late show hosts (David Letterman & Jay Leno) to try and get more publicity for this. Who knows what will happen with that, but I just think it's great what Craig's doing.

He and his friends were talking about some girl who made a lot of money for Katrina, and they started thinking of what they could try to raise money for. And he wrote all this himself! I'm so proud of him.

Take a look, click on the "Watch this item" link, or make a bid even! No pressure, of course!

Praise the Lord

2006-01-07T15:55:00.000-08:00

Hallelujah! My car insurance bill has dropped $100 a month! My 2 car wrecks - a month apart - FINALLY came off my record! How incredibly fantastic is that?!?!

look what I found

2006-01-06T18:30:00.000-08:00

If you know me from high school, you'll know that one of my favorite bands was Five Iron Frenzy. In fact, at one of their concerts, Reese (the lead vocalist) stuck the mic in my face and I got to sing some of their lyrics! They have some great songs, some political and some just fun.

Anyway, a friend let me borrow her brave Saint Saturn CD, and I couldn't figure out why...until I put it in my radio...IT WAS REESE! I was so glad to hear his voice again.

When I went to fiveironfrenzy.com, I found out that the members of FIF have actually started several bands since their days together. I'm excited! They've moved away from ska music (thank the Lord), but it sounds like they're still policial, still fun, and very contemplative, yet upbeat.

Check 'em out!

quote of today

2005-12-28T19:19:00.000-08:00

Much to Dustin's delight and surprise, the very next day I agreed to go with him and his youth group to a revival he'd been pestering me about for weeks. There were sermons, and giant video screens showing people witnessing and weeping, and a Christian rock star who wailed over some electric guitars about his love for Jesus while everyone swayed and clapped. There were hymns, and frequent altar calls, in which people made their way down the aisles to the stage and let the minister lay his hands on their heads and whisper something mysterious in their ears. They'd nod, their eyes closed, their faces suffused with joy. Through all this, I could feel Dustin watching me from his seat beside my own. "What did you think of that?" he'd ask, during every break after a sermon or a witnessing or a song. He'd search my face, hoping for a sign the songs and the video were working.

"It was okay." I'd shrug, even though my traitorous heart swelled and yearned when three hundred voices sang, "Nearer, My God, to Thee," and Dustin's face would collapse with disappointment. During the last altar call, I could feel his hope and excitement overwhelming him. He took my hand and squeezed it hard, and though I could feel his eyes trained on my face I wouldn't look at him. He wanted so badly for me to kneel in front of the stage. He wanted me to cry.

- The Myth of You and Me, Leah Stewart

Does this sound like anyone else's youth? I was definitely Dustin. I would take friends to youth rallies, hoping that the speaker would be able to tell them what I was too scared to. It was SO melodramatic, too. It was life-and-death if I couldn't get my friend to accept Christ THAT night. I would watch them, looking for a sign that they were ready to repent of their sins, to "turn or burn."

While I still believe that a choice to believe in Christ is a life-or-death decision, I also know that these things happen in their own time - God's time - and that I need to be praying for these friends of mine, not just taking them to youth rallies where they can hear a toned-down version of a hellfire and brimstone sermon.

upgrades and downloads

2005-12-27T20:36:00.000-08:00

So, my Christmas was wonderful...Lots of time with family, lounging about, great presents...though I probably didn't spend enough time celebrating the REAL reason for Christmas. It's hard to do when the materialistic spirit of Christmas starts floating through the air.

ANYWAY...the irony of my presents: my new 30GB video iPod can't hold very much because my PC only has a 15GB hard drive! It's a little hard to put more music on my iPod when my computer says that I have reached my limit. I think I have something like 100MB left.

So, new dilemma...

Rebuild my existing PC with Pentium 4 processor, larger hard drive, and a DVD burner.
Buy a new PC with all of the above, at least.
Buy a new laptop because they're great...and portable.
Buy a Mac. Because it's a cult and they're drawing me in. (I am so not kidding here.)

All of my Mac friends are quietly chanting "Buy a Mac. Buy a Mac. Buy a Mac." Yes, I understand that you *heart* your Mac. That nothing, save burning at the stake (and, for some, not even then), would make you change back to a PC. But is it the right choice for me???

Yes, I edit pictures. (My biggest feat so far? Taking Brooklyn out of a picture of the Brooklyn Bridge.) Yes, I do other multimedia-type stuff. Yes, I already own an iPod. Yes, I LOVE iTunes!

BUT...Even Mac owners will admit that word-processing is better on a PC. And I am a writer/editor! Unless I become interested in newspaper & magazine layout, all the best programs are PC-based.

And I already know how to get around a PC pretty darn well. I mean, I've been on a PC since I was around eight years old. I taught myself DOS when my stepdad would bring home a state-of-the-art Compaq "portable computer". I'm a big fan on keyboard shortcuts, which I don't know on Macs.

BUT Apple.com has the list of 10 reasons why you should own a Mac. #1 is that they don't crash. Amen to that. Another reason is because they are totally compatible with PCs. Reason #7 is "Join the Party." (or should we say cult?)

What to do, what to do...that's too heavy a question for this late at night.

very interesting

2005-12-06T21:01:00.000-08:00

I think this is because the best quote ever is: "If you really wanted to screw me up, you should have gotten to me earlier!" If you haven't seen this John Cusack movie, go out and rent it (no - buy it) today!

Your Life is Like

High Fidelity

What John Cusack movie are you?

where have I been???

2005-12-06T20:12:00.000-08:00

Yeah, it's been a while. I got busy, trying to get ready to go to London for Thanksgiving, then I stayed busy when I got back...and now I'm busy, getting ready for my next trip - to see Rachel in Indy! I'm excited because it's been reunion-central for me. First, I went to see Katie & Josh in Dallas; 2 weeks later, I saw Missa & Joel in London (and Missa's great parents, too); and now I'm off to see Rachel!!! Now I just need to go to Ohio and see my dad & sister, and I'll be pretty much set. At least for now. :o)

Before I procrastinate any more, here's the blog I've been writing in my head all week:

Anyone who's close to me probably already knows that I struggle with depression, and that there are lots of times that I don't win that struggle. I look back over the past couple years, and there is so much I would have done differently if I hadn't been sunk so deeply into my depression. When I finally realized that I wasn't a "loner" at heart and that I didn't have to use the excuse that "this is how I am", I surprised myself by finding Bethany again. Who would've guessed it would take me so long - I mean, my mom's a psychiatric nurse practitioner, for goodness' sake!

Anyway...this past year or so, I've bounced in and out of depression several times. Each time is a little shorter on the down-side; I figure out faster and faster that I AM depressed and that something needs to change. The things I think are behind my depression: my headaches (chronic pain does not make anyone happy); chemical stuff (I don't know much, but I do know that medicine has its place); life (the ups and downs of life create the ups and downs of my mood).

Stop there for a second. I think adrenaline--or lack of, really--is behind a lot of my depression. I get depressed after big things happen: after I started my wonderful new job, when I graduated last December, during/after that incredibly stressful job with NYLF last summer. And I could feel it coming on again after my trip to London. It didn't help that my jaunt to the Continent ended with such a bang as I made mad dashed through the London and Newark airports to catch planes. (I missed my direct flight from London to Houston on that Sunday, and I spent the rest of the day frantically trying to get home. Doesn't that sound like a Bethany moment?)

BUT adrenaline isn't all. My relationship with God is an enormous part of whether or not I'm depressed. And I have to confess that my relationship with God is pretty up-and-down, just like my mood. It's so easy to get out of the habit of having a "quiet time", and it always coincides with my descent into depression. But, like I said earlier, I'm getting faster and faster at catching myself. Praise the Lord, after a VERY brief detour downwards, I am on the right track again!

On Sunday, I made it all the way to the church parking lot, but I sat there, thinking that I really didn't want to go in. And if I felt so strongly that I shouldn't go, why force myself? So I came back home, curled up on the swing in the backyard, and read my Bible. I needed the alone time with Him. Instead of going through the motions of church, like I probably would have done, I just opened my Bible and let Him speak to me.

And let me tell you, He did! I have never felt more clearly that God was speaking to me through the Word. Ephesians talks all about God's grace, and how our salvation isn't based on us at all, but on God's mercy and His love. Listen to Ephesians 4:16-20 in the Message:

"I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit - not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength - that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you'll be able to take in with all Christians the extravagant dimensions of Christ's love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, to the fullness of God.
God can do anything, you know - far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us."

The key for me right now is to live fully, like the passage is saying. To experience Christ's love - how wide, long, deep and high it is! My strength isn't mine; instead, I need to get my strength from God, even if I have to ask for that strength every minute of the day. And God will do things I couldn't even imagine!

And here's my challenge in Ephesians 4:1-3:

"I want you to get out there and walk--better yet, run!-on the road God called you to travel. I don't want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don't want anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. And mark that you do this with humility and discipline--not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences." (emphasis mine)

That's the challenge God has given me: to walk with Him steadily, not in fits and starts like I have been. I pray that I can pour myself out, be alert to notice differences, and quick to mend my fences.

Thanks for reading and letting me share my heart.
Bethany

quote for the day

2005-11-14T19:32:00.000-08:00

"This anecdotal training in the understanding of women, gleaned from experience, books, advice, and mostly hurt feelings being hurled at him, fits in no previous compartment of his experience, and he has created a new memory bank just for housing it all. This memory bank is in a jumble. It is not coherent. Occassionally his more rational mind will venture in and try to arrange it, like a boy cleaning his room. But just when everything is in its place, the metaphor holds and two days later the room is a mess [...] He is like a child learning what is too hot to touch, and he hopes all this experience will coalesce into a philosophy of life, or at least a philosophy of relationships, that will transform itself into instinct. This fact-finding mission, in the guise of philandering, is necessary because as a youth he failed to observe women properly."

Steve Martin, Shopgirl

What a great line: "This fact-finding mission, in the guise of philandering..." Oh, is that the reason???

Everybody's doin' it...

2005-11-12T20:07:00.000-08:00

It's the new blog game!

Try this: go to Google and type "[your name] needs" ...quotes and all. (So I typed in "bethany needs") and then take the first ten sentences that make sense. They're pretty funny. Here's mine:

(1) Bethany needs to read this. (She got her wish, didn't she?)

(2) Bethany needs a school bus. (Well, it's not exactly a need...)

(3) Bethany needs to go get new jeans. (No, I need some good black pants!)

(4) Bethany needs to work on her fashion sense. (I've offered to go on what not to wear but the point of the show is that you're surpised...my fashion sense isn't that bad)

(5) Bethany needs a parent or parents who will love her unconditionally and who are able to set limits and appropriate boundaries. (does this have something to do with the fact that I was spoiled as a child???)

(6) Bethany needs somebody who can spare just 1/2 day a week putting shop items onto the online auction site, eBay. (actually...I wouldn't mind something like this - I have items that I could sell if I would take the time to put them online)

(7) Janice thinks that Bethany needs to hack her hair and lost a little more weight. (ouch, harsh...though it's probably true)

(8) Bethany needs to kick her overbearing mother out of her apartment. (again, harsh...and in my case it's a grandmother who swears I resent her because she lives in the garage apartment that "that's all I've ever wanted." whatever.)

(9) Bethany needs a win in Sunday's championship game to advance to the NCAA Championship Tournament in Eau Claire, Wisconsin, next week. (nice! I didn't know I was that close!)

(10) Bethany needs prayer for many areas. (hey, sure, I'll take 'em!)

And one extra:
Bethany needs to buy valentines for her 26 classmates.

I found it!

2005-11-02T21:09:00.000-08:00

This is seriously my FAVORITE commerical ever.

Snickers - lunch with a panda

A distant second is the Volkswagen commercial where the guy licks the handle of the car to claim it.

The one hundred (episode two)

2005-11-02T18:52:00.000-08:00

(14) I just discovered a new band...Ryan Shupe and the Rubberband. If you like Nickel Creek, check 'em out! And you've heard of neither, you gotta hear them! And one of their songs is free this week on iTunes.

(15) My favorite (secular) song of all time: Beautiful Oblivion by Eve6. It's fun, has awesome harmonies, and the song gets stuck in my head all the time. And no matter how many times I hear it, I still like it!

(16) I have a very eclectic taste in music. In "secular" music, I like rock...like Eve6, Cold, Seether, etc. In Christian music, I lean towards the acoustic or worship...DCB, Chris Tomlin, Waterdeep, etc. I was lamenting the other day with a friend that I lost my Christian music connection when I graduated high school, and I no longer know how to find good Christian rock bands. :o(

(17) I just got home from worship practice, which is part of the reason music is on my brain. We sang "Let the Praises Ring" by Lincoln Brewster, "Praise Your Name" by Todd Fields, "One Desire" by Joel Houston, and "Intimacy" by Sam Perry. Can I just say that I love, love, love being an alto?

(18) I have had the best day, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is because I had my quiet time! Nothing about my day should have been spectacular, but it was.

(19) One good thing today: my department likes my cooking! I made Devil's Food Cake with chocolate cream cheese frosting...from scratch. :o)

(20) Another good thing: it's pretty much confirmed that I'm getting 5 manuals that have to be revamped before January. That's good because my bosses believe in me enough to give me this huge task and because I have a chance to shine! (Okay, that's pretty spectacular for an un-spectacular day, but the way it happened was totally a God-thing!)

(21) I can attend church on Sunday as a regular person!

(22) I haven't done that in almost a year. Let's see if I know how to concentrate on the service and not deal with everything that might be going wrong!

(23) David Crowder Band has a song named "Turkish Delight" on The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe CD! Well, it's "inspired by" Narnia. Do you know what Turkish Delight is? I don't know how to describe it, but a friend of mine made some for a class project when we were analyzing the theology of TLTWTW. Sorry, I just think it's funny. You'll have to read the book to find out why.

(24) I HAVE to start saving money! But it's not easy. I'm so not used to having money; it's difficult not to spend it on all the things about which I've said "I'll get ____ when I get a real job!" Though I am more selective than I thought I would be. But iTunes and stores keep calling my name!

(25) I am a book junkie.

(26) I go to the library! But after I read a book I like, I still go and buy it. BUT at least I know I like it before I buy!

The one hundred (episode one)

2005-10-26T20:12:00.000-07:00

(1) My website is squaredonut.blogspot.com because my last name means square donut. I mean, you can buy a fasnacht. At least in Pennsylvania.

(2) Pennsylvania matters because I would sorta classify myself as Pennsylvania Dutch. Practically all my family settled there after moving from Germany.

(3) I have been told that fasnacht (or fastnacht) also means Shrove Tuesday...as in Fat Tuesday (part of Mardi Gras). You can celebrate it in Germany and other countries.

(4) As I was confirming #3, I found the following on the web. I have always wondered how square donuts and Mardi Gras were related and this website answers that question: "On Monday [before Fastnacht], dough was put out in straw baskets for raising, then cut in squares and deep-fried in fat, not baked. In the old days, [Fastnacht] was a chance for everyone to gorge on good doughnuts without reprise, for the lean days would now follow. The making of fasnachts helped use up fat and sugar prior to fasting."

(5) I have TMD - more popularly called TMJ - Temporo-Mandibular Joint Disorder. It means my jaw is misaligned, causing wear on the cartilage.

(6) Having TMJ can cause ear infections, and having an ear infection can increase the pain of TMJ. TMD also causes headaches and backaches, because of the nerves/glands/muscles around the neck area.

(7) I have worn 3 different kinds of retainers and gotten braces AND Invisalign in an attempt to "fix" or at least curb the pain caused by TMD. The jury's still out on the effectiveness of any of it. Muscle relaxers work really well to stop the pain for a while, though.

8) I have an ear infection (or at least extreme ear pressure) right now.

(9) I sit at a desk all day long, and I constantly correct my posture. Which helps ease the muscle tension in my shoulders...which started because of the TMD...which is worsened by the tension...you get the picture. It's an enormous cycle of pain.

(10) Another part of the cycle? Anyone will tell you that chronic pain has psychological consequences - heck, my mom (the psychiatrist) deals with LOTS of chronic pain patients. I think my TMJ and the pain related to it lead to my depression.

(11) Though the pain is worsening at the moment, I am depression-free.

(12) Why? Because God is good (all the time).

(13) I'm not sure that this is what the random one-hundred is supposed to be (but then again, it IS random, isn't it?), but I get tired of writing in narrative form.

Movin' on up

2005-10-19T20:12:00.000-07:00

It's not quite official yet, but Bethany will soon be a homeowner!

Okay, that might be jumping the gun a little...I haven't even applied for a mortgage! But I will! I'm a little afraid of looking right now because I think it's wisest for me to wait a couple months (AT LEAST) to save up money and pay some bills before I buy. At the very earliest, I want a place by January (...so does that mean I start looking now to buy then, or start looking then???)

But it's so exciting! And scary at the same time. I will officially be a grown-up when I have a house note. It's like a check list:

Out of college? Check.
Full-time job? Check.
Car note? Check.
Health insurance? Check...in January.
401k? Check...also in January.
HOUSE NOTE??? No check...yet.

I'm definitely getting a condo because I don't want to hassle with yard work. (I would seriously need yard guys, and I don't have enough money for that, too!) AND a lot of the maintenance will be taken care of for me. AND there's a good chance the major appliances will come with the property.

So here I am, praying to the Good Lord above, hoping to be approved and praying that I don't get swindled in the process. :o)

For those of you who are behind a step, I've been apartment-hunting for the past month. I never thought home-owning was an option, but the more I thought about it, the more logical it became. There's a lot of stuff about owning a home that I don't know about (like property taxes, etc.), but I definitely won't be able to afford a home after doling out money for rent for endless months. So why not start out by buying and investing in my future? (do I sound like a commercial yet?)

A friend of mine said a couple weeks ago: Invest in your home, not your car. Those of you who read my blog know that I want a different car badly. So when he said that, it was a total reproach to me. Instead of thinking about something that loses value so rapidly, why not put money into something that will actually increase in value by the time I sell it? Hmmm...

If you have any advice on buying a home, especially for a first-home buyer, please e-mail me! If you are reading this blog and don't have my e-mail address...how did you get here in the first place??? Leave me a comment and answer that question, why dontcha?

do NOT play this game!

2005-10-07T19:32:00.000-07:00

One of my friends has this game on his blog, and I made the mistake of downloading it. It is VERY addictive.

Download it here:
1. Windows version
2. Mac version

My list

2005-10-06T18:31:00.000-07:00

You know "the list" from Friends? The list of 5 celebrities that are "freebies"? Well, so I don't want to sleep with these guys, but I've been thinking about the 5 celebrities that I would most like to date...or marry :o)

#1 - Keith Urban. I have become obsessed with this guy. He is so handsome and he has an awesome voice. I've been listening to country radio stations, just hoping to hear his songs. And I don't usually like scruffy guys, but this guy is GORGEOUS.

As for others on my list...I've thought long and hard about this - mostly on the way to and from work. I'm trying not to pick anyone just because of their character in a movie or on a show, but it's hard.

If I pick someone because of their work, John Cusack is definitely up there. He is so great, and he makes me laugh. And High Fidelity is one of my favorite movies. Liev Schreiber is on this list as well. I saw him first playing one of my favorite fictional characters (in The Sum of All Fears), and I've loved him in everything I've seen him in. I can't wait to see his directorial debut!

Matthew Perry. Or do I just want to say Chandler? I love that he dated a non-celebrity. And I wanted him to win on Celebrity Poker Showdown, but he couldn't stand up to Lauren Graham's bluffs. His movies are good, too, but I like Friends the best, of course.

People on my list because they're gorgeous and I love their voice: Keith Urban, of course. George Eads - I like him because of his work (CSI:), not just his voice - he has a wonderful Texas drawl. And he's clean-shaven.

What to do whilst in London

2005-10-02T22:01:00.000-07:00

- Ride the London Eye! It was being serviced when I was there last time. I HAVE to ride this thing!
- Sit and ogle at Big Ben and the Tower Bridge. They are just spectacular.
- See a show! I would love, love, love to go to the Globe, but I'll see just about anything! Mamma Mia,Phantom, Les Miz, Woman in White, The Producers...:o)

And last (but definitely NOT least)...
- Find a wonderful guy who speaks with a British accent (yum!), is a God-lover (amen!), and has lots of money (so the distance isn't a problem)

Not too hard, don't you agree? :o)

only a minute

2005-09-28T16:30:00.000-07:00

Right before I left work today, my supervisor came to me and said, "Your name came up at a meeting today." Well, that's either good or bad, right? In my case, it was good! I just got picked to handle a major project - everyone is supposed to be updating the help messages in our computer programs, but it's time to update them for the upgrade that just went out. And I have to organize that somehow! I'm excited and ideas are already starting to flow about how best to do that. How great, huh? :o)

I'm off to choir practice now...with a really sore throat. Needless to say, I'm probably not doing much singing tonight, but I don't want to miss!

musings, ponderings, wonderings

2005-09-27T21:28:00.000-07:00

So much for a post last weekend, huh? There are SO many things I could talk about right now:
(1) the hurricane, of course
(2) my fantastic new job
(3) the random thoughts I think 1,000,000 times a day, and tell myself to blog about it (see how many times it actually makes it to the net?)
(4) a few of the many things that happened today that made me go "hmmm"
(5) this great new site I just found
(6) the behavior I hate the most that I have just discovered I do on a regular occasion

Here goes:
(1) Houston wasn't really hit, though my family was prepared to leave...we were packing the car and waiting for my sister to arrive with her crew when the first report came on Thursday saying the hurricane was shifting. My sister's area (Liberty County, near the Trinity River) got hit hard...she still without power and working with FEMA to figure out what can happen. Thank the Lord, her house is fine otherwise.

(2) My job's great! I have been working on department projects, so I feel like part of the team! But I've been working hard on training this past week, which isn't quite so much fun. But I fit in! I made a smart remark to my manager last week during a birthday cake break, and everyone commended me (including him) on my good comeback! Is it scary that my sense of humor has found a home?

(3) a list, at random: newscasts. "Rugged individualism" (doesn't this one sound like fun??? I'm pretty excited about writing about this one...it WILL come...the mind of an English major is always searching for essays to compose). Going to London (November) and Ireland (next September)! What God is doing in my life, and why the heck He cares when all I give Him at the moment is lip service (or so it seems).

(4) a.) When I was a kid, I think I was scared of public toilets. It all started during my years of private school, when the ENTIRE class was paraded to the bathroom during a break and you HAD to use the restroom. Personal experience: when I'm forced to do something, chances are I won't like it...especially when I was little. ANYWAY...I would come home from school about to wet my pants because I wouldn't go at school. But I've gotten over that now!
Today at work, I went into the ladies restroom. A toilet flushed right away, so I knew someone was in there. But the entire time I was in the bathroom, I heard no noise...no rustling of clothes, no opening of doors, footsteps, etc. This chick sat there in that stall until I left, doing absolutely nothing, not moving an inch! Isn't that a little weird? What, was she afraid I might HEAR her??? I didn't even know WHO it was!
b.) My grandmother, God bless her, *tries* to be helpful. She lets us know how we can improve our lives, if only we would follow her advice. And *some* IS helpful. And she'll do little things, like clean up something, with the expectation that she WILL be duly thanked and we will take over the task from then on. Tonight, we came home from a late dinner, and Grandma had left the vacuum right outside my bedroom door with a note "Needs emptied - has cat food and litter inside." First question: why didn't SHE empty it? All you have to do is take out the compartment, empty it and put it back! Second...what DID she do??? Come to find out, she'd vacuumed our spare room, where the cats' stuff is, and *improved* the room, to her standards. Hmmm...how thankful do I have to sound? We had to change it back because our cats are old. They HATE change and would express this hatred in ways I would rather not think about.

(5) A new kind of jigsaw puzzle. Check it out!

(6) Well, I have to leave SOMETHING for next time, don't I???

Randomness

2005-09-15T21:50:00.000-07:00

So I promise to set aside some time this weekend to update everyone on my job! I'm loving it, by the way. Tonight, I want to prove to myself that I don't need to write a novel every time I write a blog. So here's something that made me smile today. You know those day-of-the-year calendars (there's also a book) that have "5 things to be happy about"? One of today's items was updating your wish list. Which definitely makes me happy! So here are my latest wants:

- Canon PowerShot SD450. The new digital Canon Elph! It's basically affordable, and it's a great resolution. I want to take more pictures, which I don't want to do with my present, sucky camera (the lens won't even stay open!)
- an iPod? I haven't decided about this one, because it also means I'll spend more money on iTunes.
- a truck or SUV. Yes, I love my Saturn and yes, they guzzle gas, but I love 'em. I covet my friends' Ford F150 FX4...but THAT'S not gonna happen. I definitely don't have any reason to have a car like that...but it's still cool. My favorite of the moment is the new Honda Ridgeline (I love the in-bed trunk!), but it's a *little* beyond my budget.
- an apartment! Though I have freedom living "at home," I want a place to call my own! Where everything is mine. someplace that my blood, sweat and tears (and hard-earned cash!) gave me the ability to live.
- a need that has become a want: new glasses! I sit in front of my computer all day, and I can feel my eyes straining, getting dry and making it harder to concentrate. My dilemma: wait until my insurance kicks in next January, or shell out the moolah now?
- a small want: ice cream! I crave sweet stuff in the late afternoon and at night. It's a good thing that I don't crave it at times when I can actually get it (like on the drive home)...that way I don't indulge *too* often. My favorite right now: Cold Stone Creamery's Peanut Butter Cup Perfection, Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup or Starbucks' Mocha Java. (Baskin Robbin's Peanut Butter 'n Chocolate should be in there, too.)

Good night, all! I will write again this weekend!

Helping the cause

2005-09-03T09:01:00.000-07:00

Last night, a few friends and I went down to the Astrodome to volunteer our time during the graveyard shift. We were assigned to the Reliant Center, which is a LARGE exhibition hall next to the stadium - from one end to the other, it is a half-mile long. Over 5,000 cots (my estimate - the Houston Chronicle says 8,000) were set up, but we counted only 450 people there last night. We were expecting 45 buses from New Orleans, but they never showed up. Instead, we later heard they continued on to Dallas, including a bus of 150 "lost kids" who would be helped by CPS.

But on the Chronicle's website, it says "The Astrodome housed 15,000 evacuees Friday night, with 3,000 at Reliant Arena and 8,000 at Reliant Center, Red Cross spokeswoman Denise Bishop said." WHERE WERE THEY??? I was right there, but there were definitely not 8,000 at the Center last night. We kept waiting for this huge deluge of people that never showed up.

At 2 a.m., we started packing up sandwiches, trying to save them, since they would have to be thrown away if they were at all warm (at the beginning of the night, they were frozen, so they could potentially last at least another day). How incredibly sad! There are so many people out there hurting right now, and we couldn't get them to a place where we had beds, food and supplies for them. We heard stories of people camped outside the Astrodome, who were turned away because the Astrodome because it was packed...all they had to do was come to the Reliant Center across the complex, but they weren't told that.

There is an enormous interfaith movement happening here in Houston, with all the faith communities banding together to provide food at these large shelters for the next month. My prayer at this moment is that there will be people that we need to serve there. Not that I pray people NEED the food, but that the people who are stranded all over the Deep South will be able to come here to get refuge. From what I understand, the people of Hosuton are waiting to reach out to them - now, we just need people to help. Just like us last night - we wanted to help in some tangible way, but we didn't feel all that needed. Though I do know that some other volunteer would have been there if I had not, so they were able to use that person somewhere else because I was there.

I do know that the Astrodome IS filled. I didn't go over myself, but all the guys working with us took sandwiches over there as we started to pack up for breakfast. They were incredibly overwhelmed by what they saw - people packed in, sleeping wherever they could and grabbing for the sandwiches that they carried.

I just wish we could be helping more where they need it most - in Louisiana and Mississippi, where these people have been promised food everyday while they wait for evacuation, but they are literally starving until help arrives.

just one more today, I promise

2005-08-29T21:30:00.000-07:00

yeah, so I've written three times today to make up for the lack of blogs before this.

I just had to share one more thing because it really ticks me off...

MY CREDIT CARD WAS STOLEN!!! Yes, my actual credit card was taken from me and used at several gas stations and at the mall before I cancelled my card.

Here's what happened: after Bible study last week, I stopped by James Coney Island for a late dinner and I used my Amex at the drive-thru. I remember thinking as I signed the receipt that it was funny they didn't return the card, but I just assumed I'd get it with my meal. Of course, I forgot about it until the next day...

JCI insisted there's no way one of their employees took it, that the card should never have been out of my sight. Well, first of all, the guy didn't even ring me up on the drive-thru register, so he already committed a major no-no with that one! Second of all, it's all purchases around the area - it HAS to be someone local and stupid (they used it at a teen store in the mall, so I figure it's one of their flunkie high school students).

Then the GM told me that she'd meet with her supervisor and look over the tape, because the policy is that the cashier gives the card back, or if something should happen, they give it to the manager on duty. Well, huh...POLICY WASN'T FOLLOWED!!! Imagine that! I think she wanted me to back down when they brought up the idea of video tape (maybe I was just looking for a quick dollar or something if they couldn't prove they didn't do it?), but I just said, "Fine. Great! I'd love to see them get caught!"

Surprise, surprise, I didn't hear back today, and I forgot about it until the manager was already off duty for the day. I can't wait to find out more. And I am greatly anticipating handing over the culprit's name to American Express so they can press charges! :o)

I am completely evil?

The thing that ticks me off the most is that I have several large purchases I need to make NOW, and I always make them with this card! Now, I have no way of making these purchases, and I'm running out of money in my bank account! With all my change in jobs, money is going to be tight for the next month, and this little cretin at JCI hasn't made it any better!

I need new clothes because I haven't had to dress professionally that often for the past year.
I'm flying to London for Thanksgiving and I need to buy my ticket before the price goes up any more.
I'm part owner of Clover Country Kennels (started with the 3 lovely danes my sister and I rescued), and one of the dogs is pregnant and needs to go to the vet!
I want to visit Laura in Virginia as soon as she has weekend leave!

How is any of this supposed to happen without a credit card???

I'll post more after I talk to the general manager tomorrow...

Cure for PMS?

2005-08-29T21:09:00.000-07:00

Check this commercial out! It's hilarious because it's true!
http://www.dairymax.org/milk.wmv

:o)

Little bit of fun

2005-08-29T20:39:00.000-07:00

Sorry, I couldn't resist!

1. Legal First name: Bethany

2. Were you named after anyone? My aunt was going to
Bethany College when I was born...I was supposed to be
Brooke, but my sister knew a bully at her school with that
name

3. Do you wish on stars? No, but I do on those big search
lights that car dealerships sometimes have. When I was
little, my grandpa told me that those lights were my
brother and the angels playing flashlight tag from Heaven
(needless to say, the day I discovered where they were
really coming from, I was devastated)

4. When did you last cry? 2 weeks ago when a great dane
puppy my sister and I rescued died in my arms

5. What is your favorite lunch meat? Tuna!

6. What is your birth date? July 14, 1981

7. What is your most embarrassing CD? All my ska CDs from
high school (though they're fun to listen to on long road
trips!)

8. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with
you? Probably

9. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Never!

10. What are your nicknames? Hey you, Bessany, Any
(pronounced A-nee), squaredonut

11. Would you bungee jump? I have already, and I
definitely would do it again!

12. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? I
don't wear any shoes that require untying

13. Do you think that you are strong? Stronger than my mom
and grandma...but that's not saying much, is it?

14. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? chocolate 'n
peanut butter

15. Shoe Size? 10

16. Red or pink? Pink is more my color, but I like both

17. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? only
one??? that I get depressed

18. Who do you miss most? my grandpa - we were best buds

19. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back?
If they want to - most of them don't fill these out

20. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? No shoes
(of course) and blue jeans

21. What are you listening to right now? the 10:00 news in
the other room, the dogs having their last fight before
bedtime

22. What did you eat for breakfast? pepperoni pizza lean
pocket and iced tea

23. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? bluish
purple

24. What is the weather like right now? humid, muggy,
hot, sweltering...

25. Last person you talked to on the phone? My sister -
she called to tell me that her bulldog died :o(

26. The first things you notice about the opposite sex?
The overall look, then hair and clothes (it's really hard
for me to describe guys because of this...I'm definitely
NOT an eye person)

27. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Tomina's
the best!

28. Favorite Drink? Pepsi with crushed ice or Iced Tea

29. Hair Color? Dark brown with blonde highlights

30. Do you wear contacts? No - I would have to get hard
contacts because I have a scar on my eye, so they're not
worth the hassle

31. Favorite Food? My tastes are changing; i'm not sure
anymore. I crave chocolate ALL THE TIME!

32. Last Movie You Watched? 16 Candles, last night at 2
a.m. (hey, I was working)

33. Favorite Day Of The Year? my birthday - I don't
expect a big deal, so it's always nice when people do nice
things for me

34. Scary Movies Or Happy Endings? Happy endings, of
course!..but don't a lot of scary movies have happy
endings?

35. Summer Or Winter? In Houston, winter...everywhere
else, fall because of the colors and the cooler weather
(but we don't HAVE fall in Houston)

36. Hugs or Kisses? do I have to pick?

37. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? ice cream, especially
frozen custard

38. Who Is Most Likely To Respond? I'm not sure

39. Who Is Least Likely To Respond? Katie or my sister Dana

41. What Books Are You Reading? When I Don't Desire God:
How to Fight for Joy by John Piper; Every Woman's Battle by
Shannon Ethridge; The Copper Beech by Maeve Binchy

42. What's On Your Mouse Pad? my cool blue mouse

43. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? St. Elmo's Fire,
The Breakfast Club, 16 Candles (I was working on my
laptop...there was a marathon on AMC)

45. Rolling Stones or Beatles? probably rolling stones,
but they're both before my time :o)

46. What's the farthest you've been from home? London,
baby! Well, actually...Germany. (I'm going to London for
Thanksgiving!!!!!)

47. Favorite junk food? Snickers is my all-time favorite
candy bar; Nacho Cheese Doritos is my favorite chip (Sour
Cream and Chedder potato chips run a close second)

life and death

2005-08-21T22:00:00.000-07:00

Recently, I made an impromptu trip to Waco with my sister. (And right now, you're wondering how a blog with a title about depression can begin with a road trip story...but let me continue.)

Dana has been planning to get a Great Dane from a breeder near Waco whose Dane just had puppies. (18 in all!) So when she called at 10 p.m., wanting to know if I can ditch my job the next day to go to Waco, I assumed she wanted to go pick out her puppy.

Not so. The breeder's mother had a heart attack and a stroke the day before, and the breeder (obviously) spent the entire day at the hospital. While she was gone, the mom dog (Sable) didn't know enough to reposition her kids when they couldn't reach her properly...so by the time the breeder got home that night, they were severely dehydrated. Unfortunately, Sable was having puppies at a young age and didn’t have any idea how to be a mother – she needed help to make sure the puppies were properly fed.

When the breeder called Dana, several puppies were already gone, and they weren't sure how many would make it through the night. To top it off, the situation with her mother was going to be a long-term deal while she recovered from her stroke and heart attack, so the breeder couldn't guarantee that she could properly nurse the puppies and mom back to full health. She offered Dana her ENTIRE family of Great Danes! One American Dane male (the father - Arlo) and two German Dane (straight from Berlin!) female sisters (Sarah and Sable), and whatever puppies made it. She didn't want to break up the family, and she knew that Dana would take great care of all of them.

So we left at 5 a.m. and got the dogs...I ended up taking care of the two remaining puppies on the way home. We called the puppies #1 and #2 so we wouldn't get attached - #1 was the stronger of the two; #2 couldn't control his body temp and he couldn't bottle-feed. When I wasn't feeding them by sticking my finger in their mouths and putting formula drop-by-drop via syringe in them, they were cradled underneath my shirt to get my body heat.

An hour from home, #2 aspirated on the formula and was gasping for breath. He had stopped even moving his tongue when I dripped the milk in his mouth. I was panicked - here I had a dying puppy in my arms. Though I had tried my hardest for the past 4 hours to get warmth and nutrition inside this little body, #2 wasn't going to make it. And we had thought he was actually getting stronger for a while! I totally freaked out about it while Dana calmly told me that I had done all I could. She ended up taking #2 from me because I couldn't bear to have him die while I held him, especially since I was still caring for #1.

My sister is so great - she can handle just about anything. While she was also upset about #2, she was able to comfort me and deal with the puppy when I couldn't. She encouraged me the rest of the way home about how she couldn't have gotten them home without me, that #1 had a greater chance of surviving because of me, that she couldn't even get them to feed when we were at the breeder's house and I'd gotten them both to eat quite a bit.

From that moment until now, I have been so incredibly down. I tried so hard not to get attached because I knew there was an ENORMOUS chance they would die, but I was doing so well! I know it's not my fault, but I still feel like I should have been able to keep #2 alive. Did I let him get too cold? Did I feed him too much formula? Did I suffocate him while I was trying to keep him warm? All these things are flashing through my mind, even as I'm writing this.

The good news is that my sister has three wonderful Great Dane dogs now. The bad news is that #1 didn’t make it either. He lasted another day after we got him to Dana’s, but all of a sudden he started losing his body heat, just like #2. No warning, he just started to weaken after he’d been taking the bottle so well for the entire day.

Yes, I know that they probably would have been greatly damaged because of their extended dehydration at such a young age. Most vets wouldn’t even treat them because it was nature’s way of weeding off the ones that couldn’t survive. BUT IT WASN’T THEIR FAULT THAT THEY WERE DYING!!! They tried their best to get food, but they couldn’t get it! Mama didn’t know what to do, and nobody was there to help her.

This is seriously a tragedy.

Another bit of good news: I’ve decided that my next dog will be a Great Dane. Yes, they’re enormous, but they’re gentle giants. Imagine 150 pounds of a dog…they are a wonder to behold. So I plan to get one of the puppies off the next litter…which will be AFTER Sarah and Sable are 2 years old (a year away). By then, they will know how to be mothers, especially Sable after this whole debacle.

I GOT THE JOB!!!

2005-08-15T20:43:00.000-07:00

I don't know what else to say besides "PRAISE GOD!" I was so happy to hear from UCS today and to be offered a job. Money, benefits, experience...Hallelujah! I've included my job description because it's much easier to use what's already written to describe something. :o)

Documentation Trainee
The Documentation Trainee will work on a technical writing team in the documentation department developing hardcopy manuals and on-line reference materials for software products as well as enhance existing software for easier use by clients. You will conduct product testing before documenting new changes and have the opportunity to suggest improvements to existing UCS software. You will make sure your documentation is accurate and complete by working with product software manuals. You will contribute topics for monthly publications covering new features released to clients and you will have some contact with clients to gather information when a request has been made for a product or service we do not currently offer.
A Bachelor's degree is preferred. Basic computer literacy and strong grammar, proofreading, and editing skills are required. You must be, detail-oriented, deadline driven, and organized. Prior experience with computers and desktop publishing is helpful.
Training consists of 4 months of classroom education learning the complete UCS system. This position is based in Houston with no travel required.

a new purchase

2005-08-14T18:17:00.000-07:00

I am so proud of myself! Today, I thought wisely and bought a major purchase for my future home. Remember my ode to my Love Sac in my first blog? I got an e-mail from Love Sac saying that there was a major sale this weekend because they are releasing a new product called Sactionals.

A Sactional is a Love Sac couch!!! You get them in pieces - base and side - and you combine them as you please. One base and one side is a chair; one base and three sides is an armchair; two bases and four sides are a love seat; etc.

They're not cheap, but the sale was 40% off! And Love Sac is a seriously quality product. I do not regret in the least buying my Love Sac in the first place (of course, I got an incredible deal on that as well). So Mom and I went to The Woodlands Mall and looked at them. Within a minute of seeing them and sitting on one, I was in love!

And because they are just taking preorders right now, shipping to my house is free. It will come in boxes and I can decide what I want my sactional to look like. I can't wait to try it out!

Unfortunately, I won't be able to use it until I get my own place. And I'm not sure I'd want to right now with two rambunctious boxers who are hard on the furniture. (And c'mon...they're family - they're just as welcome on the couches as we are, in my opinion.) Even if I get the job at UCS, I won't be moving for at least 6 months, so I can save up money. My car insurance will go down drastically in February (BOTH my accidents come off my record!), I'm planning on trading in my car as soon as my car note is right-side-up...I'm trying to be responsible!

just thought I'd share

2005-08-11T09:29:00.000-07:00

I just got a call from HTexas Magazine, offering me the
position of Lifestyle Editor!

But I had to laugh...you know what they wanted to offer me?
$20K! I can make more than that by finding a good admin
job! I talked them up to $22K by the time the
conversation ended, but that's still pushing it for me.

AND the benefits pretty much sucked! Well, better than I
have right now because I don't have ANY, but a lot worse
than what UCS offers.

So I declined. No, I don't have an offer from UCS yet, but
anything has to be better than that!

I'm on a high now, though! I just got my first job offer!
They like me, they really like me!

One after the other

2005-08-08T19:08:00.000-07:00

So I had an interview this morning at the magazine for an editing position. And it went well! I'm still not sure if that's what I want to do, but it does sound good. I would be writing, editing, interviewing...all of it. BUT I'm not all that fond of writing. That's why I want to stay away from magazine publishing because most of the time you have to do everything if you want to do anything. I am definitely left-brained - I don't like to do the creative writing, etc...I got into English as a major because I like grammar, not writing. I am definitely capable of writing (I was reading over some of my college papers, and I liked them! Definitely a whole lot better than I did when I was writing them), but it's not what I love.

The other opening was for a job at UCS, the computer company I worked for before I interned at the magazine (did I say that earlier?). I would be a "Documentation Trainee" - basically a technical writer. At about 1 p.m., I was talking to my recruiter and I agreed to meet at 2:30 to do some prelim questions. I guess I wasn't really thinking about time because I sat down and started doing some work for NYLF, until I realized that I was dressed for an interview at a magazine...not at a VERY conservative company! I mean, so conservative, I thought it was necessary to put a band-aid over the tattoo on my upper calf and only put in one pair of earrings, instead of the regular two pairs. So I rushed to change and get down there.

Sidenote: Technical writing is very different from what I'd be doing at the magazine. Writing for UCS would be writing manuals for the computer systems they do for car dealerships. I would first have to learn the ENTIRE UCS system so I would understand what I was writing about (4 months training!), so the reason that I'm a little hesitant is the commitment that I would feel obligated to then make (for personal ethical reasons, not because of UCS).

I expected only to meet with my recruiter, but she checked with the supervisor from the department I'd be working in and she was available. After meeting with the supervisor, she called down her boss (the manager of the department), who was sorta a friend. He is sooo nice and he would come into the travel agency and just talk with us sometimes. So the interview with him was really informal. Then he wanted me to go upstairs and do a writing sample, since most of my work is from the magazine. I had to write instructions on how to withdraw $20 from an ATM.

Right after I'd started working on that, he comes back and asked me to talk with the senior manager, since he was about to leave. He didn't have all that many questions for me...just about how I used to work at UCS and how I felt about the position. Then I started working on the sample again, when the manager comes back to take me to the senior VP's office! I didn't really talk about much with him - he just wanted to know how I felt about technical writing, then he chatted with me about his time in college.

I finally got to go back to the writing sample...then the lights went out! And of course, I hadn't saved my work! So I got to do it all over again. Not as good as the first time around, but okay. My impression from the day: if they were THAT eager to have me meet everyone, they must want me. NONE of these meetings were scheduled for today, except with the recruiter. And I know that nothing happens quickly around UCS!

I think I had the supervisor on my side when she found out I had accounting experience. They especially need someone who can handle the accounting software manuals, and most writers aren't that mathematically inclined. But she's talking to the gal who was trying to double-major in math and English! (Until I found out I couldn't...I would have to get two degrees.) She actually TOLD me that I had her vote!

If I had nothing to go on but company alone, I would say that I would enjoy the job at UCS better. I'm not sure I'm cut out for a small company, like that at the magazine. From my experience with small companies, you sort of make your own training. They tell you what they remember you need to know. At a company like UCS, there are procedures in place to make sure you know everything you need to know - there are classes, manuals, etc. to get you trained. Much less frustrating for someone like me! I am most happy when I know what's expected of me or what's coming ahead, which was not the case when I was at the magazine. That's not to say that I don't like a little spontaneity, but only in small amounts. And NOT about important things.

If I ever wondered (which I don't) about God's hand in things, I wouldn't anymore! How could a day go more smoothly as far as interviews go? As I met with person after person at UCS, I knew that there was Someone more powerful at work than just a couple people who were eager to fill a position. Thank You, Lord!

please pray!

2005-08-04T17:36:00.000-07:00

Hello all!

This is a mass e-mail, asking for prayers (well, you
probably knew that by my title...)

There are two companies here in Houston that have job
openings that I have applied for. And I have an interview
at one on Monday, and the other will be scheduling me for
an interview on Monday.

First of all, please pray that the interviews go well! I
haven't been on too many interviews, so I'm a little
nervous. Pray that I will be prepared! (along with this, I
have never had to figure out how much I'm "worth" before -
I am very apprehensive about that!)

Secondly, please pray about what I should do in the event
that I get both jobs. In my understanding, they are both
mine to lose, so I could have a very big decision to make
next week. And pray for the next step I'll have to take if
I DON'T get either of these jobs!

The good thing: I have worked for both companies before, so
I know the environment at both and what to expect (and how
to dress!). The hard part is that I already favor one of
these positions more than the other, but the one would look
AWESOME on my resume if I seriously want to continue in the
publishing field.

I am excited to find out what my future will bring, and I
know that the time is coming soon for me to make that
decision where I will live and make my living, at least for
a while.

Please pray that I make the best decision!
thank you all - Bethany

he's not too bright

2005-07-27T12:30:00.000-07:00

Today’s blog is a tribute to our office coordinator. And I’m sure that you can tell by this title that “tribute” is not quite the right word. God bless him, he tries. Not very hard, but he tries. The boy is part-blind, I’m convinced, because he sits about 6 inches from the computer screen, and he neglects to see all the work sitting around his desk unless it’s been pointed out to him a few thousand times. While I really do think there’s something going on in that blond-haired, blue-eyed head, he doesn’t make that too obvious. He talks low and slow, making you think he has no idea what he’s saying and making it up as the words come out of his mouth. I really don’t know what the parents think when they call and get him as the official voice of NYLF.

Like any 19-year-old guy, he keeps the office in a messy state. I go in at least once a day and clean things up, but it’s messy again within half an hour. Papers everywhere, boxes strewn on the floor, packages everywhere (and students not notified!) and supplies dropped right where the deliverer put them. Our boss got on him this weekend because we had lots of parents come in and she wanted the office clean, but he didn’t do much about that.

And when I suggest things to him (like cleaning up the office), he refers to that as my “lectures.” In a non-patronizing way, I suggest to him, “We have a lot of students and parents coming into the office this weekend and we want them to think about us as a professional organization. We need to keep this place clean.” And I’m not lounging when I say this…I’m picking up papers, organizing boxes – and hoping he’ll follow my lead. When he turns on the TV, I try to suggest to him that our boss doesn’t like it and he will face her wrath if she comes into the office and finds it on. I am trying to help him out (because seriously, it does NOT look professional to have him lounging on the couch, watching HBO when people come in!) and he thinks I am just trying to lecture him! Like it’s a personal vendetta that I have, when our boss is the one who will get angry when she walks in.

While I understand that there are certain things that guys find funny that are not at all humorous to me, he takes this to a new level. No, I do NOT want to know exactly what went on when you spent 15 minutes in the bathroom! And, by the way, the other guys in the office think he’s just as gross about that as I do, so I know it’s not just a girl thing.

Our directors spent a good portion of our first week yelling at him because he’s not very good at listening to and following directions. And even though he has now been told how to do things for a month, he still does it his way. Which is not usually our way. I think we’ve given up getting things how we would like them, and we just make sure that he gives us the best that HE can do.

Nice, huh? I was talking a couple weeks ago in my blog about how I look for work to do if I don’t have any work in front of me. Our office coordinator, on the other hand, doesn’t take that initiative, and he regularly gets reamed because of it. Over the past weekend, when I was feeling particularly homicidal, I started making myself walk out of the room whenever he would walk in. As mean as that might sound, his ignorance, maturity level and mannerisms were seriously making me want to put my hands around his neck and squeeze tightly. We have bets around here to see who will kill him first – I have decided that I will not do the killing, but I definitely want to be around to watch.

As I am writing this, he has jammed the paper shredder YET again (and I think it overheated as well) because he will not put less that 8 sheets of paper into the shredder at a time. Yes, he has been reminded, but if the little picture on the top of the shredder doesn’t mean anything to him, I’m not sure our words are any better.

One more day! Of course, that includes a very hormonal night (we are expecting to break up a party on the 14th floor – booze and all) with everyone wanting to hook up before they go home…it reminds me of that teen movie "Can’t Hardly Wait." It’s their last night, so why shouldn’t they have a little fun, right? Uh huh. Not on my watch! :o)

I just have to say

2005-07-26T19:36:00.000-07:00

I know I have finally posted again after a long silence, but I just thought of something else – Harry Potter rocks! I might not find time write Laura at boot camp or talk to everyone via my blog, but it only took me about a day and a half to finish the latest book! While it’s not the best of the series, it definitely sets up book seven, which better be AWESOME or I’ll be upset. Go ahead, say I’m a freak (or at least really, really sad) but you have to read them!

Cheers!

What a day!

2005-07-26T19:15:00.000-07:00

OMG! I have just had my first encounter with a truly crazy person. Yes, I have seen them, smiled a greeting at them, maybe even chatted with them, but I have just witnessed a serious mental breakdown. So finally, here’s the great story I said I’d have for you!

This girl showed up late to our second forum, seeming a little frazzled and tired. Her mom was completely overbearing, so I thought maybe it was a little bit of intimidation too. I let her settle in, telling her she could meet everyone the next day.

Then, we noticed day by day that her actions were getting weirder and weirder. A couple days into the forum, we discovered a note from her mother about her medical issues and what medications she was on. She hadn’t let anyone know beforehand – because of HIPAA law and confidentiality, she said – and didn’t include it on her emergency information sheet because she wanted the problems to be on the DL. But her plan also meant that we had no knowledge of any medical issues – we couldn’t plan to have her taken care of, to have her watched so she wouldn’t wander off, to make sure she was in a bed instead of the cot because of her “lumbar” problems…the list goes on.

This poor girl is on 16 different medications, diagnosed with at least 4 problems that her mother was willing to admit, and who knows what else. She's a pediatrician that medicates her own daughter with medications that should only be taken under monitored situations, and NOT taken with some of the other drugs she's on. She could barely focus on us when we would talk to her and she could barely walk down the hall without bumping into something. Not only was she over-drugged, but we knew she wasn’t taking her medication correctly because she would leave pills all over when she left her seat on the bus, in her MED session…anywhere.

Her mother refused to believe the things we said about her daughter, and refused to stay out of things. Next thing we know, we have her in her own room, just to make her mother happy. One morning, I get called to go to her room because she’s not with her group and they can’t get her to answer the phone. I go in her room, and it’s already a mess. She moved in after 11 the night before, and it’s already wrecked! Clothes everywhere, each of the three beds had been slept in, pills on the floor…it goes on. And she had obviously been up earlier that morning, because there was a full plate of breakfast food in the top drawer of her nightstand!

I call to her from the foot of her bed, and she wakes up a little startled, of course. Only she immediately closes her eyes again and goes back to sleep. I call again, and she says “yes?” She can’t even focus on my face! Again, I say her name and make her sit up in bed before I’ll leave the room to let her get dressed. I walk back outside to where some guys from our operations team are waiting for me, and we leave the door cracked so we can get back in, if needed. I see her get out of bed, hear some rustling…5 minutes later, I walk in the room, calling for her, thinking she’s in the bathroom. No, she’s now in a different bed, completely covered by a blanket and not responding! We called her mom, who told us that her daughter was just exhausted and she had given her permission to stay in bed and order room service that day (which, by the way, is NOT NYLF policy!).

The mom came later that day to take her home. When they're finally packed up and ready to leave, the family comes up to the office, and the daughter goes to my boss and says, “I just have to tell you, my time here has been just retched. It’s the worst experience of my life.” And it went downhill from there. We're trying to get them out of the office when the daughter starts freaking out – she’s screaming, hiding in the corner, running out in the hall and throwing her stuff around – just generally acting crazy. And the mom thinks this is normal! And if it’s not, then we're to blame for her distress! I call for our director of operations (he’s big and faster than hotel security) and I’m worried that she’s going to either destroy the office or injure someone before we can get her out. By this time, my boss is telling them to get out, that they are not welcome in the hotel and that she doesn’t need to stand there listening to them. I’m not sure how she finally got them to leave, but the next thing I know they’re storming down the hall to the elevators.

I don’t think the drama’s over, but it’s mostly out of our hands. We’re working on incident reports from everyone who dealt with her and shipping her the stuff she left behind. (and why would they leave behind some of the stuff in her room? It was all hers! Not that hard!)

That happened on Sunday (I’ve been trying to find the time to post this since then) and we’re still shaking our heads of the whole thing. This girl was certifiable. We’re not too sure why she even came here, but we are also glad that she’s gone and not our problem anymore. I feel sorry for her, and I wish that we could get her the help she needs. It’s obvious to all of us that her mother doesn’t admit that she has problems – it could be OCD, schizophrenia, manic depression, or a mix of all of these – but her mom just says she has ADHD (but has her on some pretty scary drugs!). This is definitely someone who is falling through the cracks of our protective services and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it.

That's all for now - one full day left before the kiddos go home and I can too!

My name is Bethany, I am a follower of Jesus Christ...

2005-07-18T19:07:00.000-07:00

…and I suffer from codependency.

The fact that I am codependent makes me a great employee. I am so eager to please, for everyone to like me and what I have done, that I practically kill myself to get the job done right and done well. I think I have an over-inflated sense of importance, so no matter how minute the task, I spend forever on it to make it perfect. That makes me a great editor, but it does NOT make me sane.

And then there are moments when pleasing other people is the farthest thing from my mind. I don’t want to do anything for anyone, and I am good at making that quite clear. (This happens the most at home.)

Those two sides are fighting desperately against each other right now. I just got back from a delightful, relaxing birthday weekend, and I do not want to have the same sense of urgency about my job that I have had for the past couple of weeks – heck, the last couple of MONTHS. I am struggling very hard against that disapproving face that my boss can wear, when I know perfectly well that even if I did everything right (which I have to admit, there has been little to complain about when it comes to my work), she would still wear that face.

I have figured out (and why did this take me so long!) that I am earning way less than the other people working at the forum because I work longer hours AND I have been working through our breaks. But here I have sat in this office all day long, working on various unimportant projects, waiting for her to return so I could talk about the important stuff. And here I still sit, at 8:30 on Monday evening. My stomach is in freaking KNOTS because I am so tired of working with her, on her terms and none of my own. And because the moment we sit down, she will remember the one project that I have not done today and get upset about it.

You remember how I was talking about how cool she was about the hospital visit that I didn’t finish planning? I think I am now dealing with the effects of that. I am no longer perfect, which I do not wish to be, but everything I do is under scrutiny, and I feel like it’s never good enough. And to talk about the hospital visit – do you want to know how many times I went to her because I didn’t know what I was doing? I have never even been inside that hospital, let alone worked there for 12 years and know most of the doctors we are trying to coordinate with! I tried to pass it to her – I even tried to dump the thing altogether! Instead, somehow it’s my fault and responsibility that things were left until the last minute, when she could obviously see how I was struggling with this task.

Are there positives? Of course. It does pay well, in a sense – in no other job could I work for a month and get paid as much right now…I’m just working my butt off for the money. The people here ARE really nice. I’ve enjoyed socializing with them, even when they’re not easy to work with…At the moment, that’s about it.

Guys, please pray for me. I feel caught in this situation, and I know I cannot get out until after the conferences are completed. No matter how much I would love to just walk out, I’m not that kind of person to leave everyone in a lurch like that. Please pray that I deal fairly with those I work with, and that I DO a good job here. And that I can keep my head on straight! I want to have fun for the next couple of weeks, but I also have a lot of work to do.

okay, but this is the last straw...

2005-07-17T16:01:00.000-07:00

While the title of this blog comes from several different places, I am mostly thinking of "Office Space." Great movie - a new classic! If you have EVER worked for a large company before, you would appreciate it.

Can I just say that I don't think I was cut out for full-time work? I am TIRED of having something to do every second of the day! Why can't I pick a job that IS 9 to 5, nothing more? I think I had that before at UCS, but I didn't appreciate it because I went home and did homework every night. Now, I go from having one part-time job to a couple jobs that equal well over full-time! I cannot WAIT until I am done with NYLF! Not that I haven't had a good time, but not having a minute to yourself for a long period of time is very draining.

I had this weekend off and I am now up at the office on Sunday evening, really bitter about the fact that I am here. My boss somehow thinks I have a lot to do before the next batch of students come on Tuesday, when I basically sat around, twiddling my thumbs last time, trying to look busy so I wouldn't get in trouble! A couple days off just wasn't enough.

I have great friends, I gotta tell you. Katie and Josh came down from Dallas and we hung out all weekend. They had other things to do, so I was able to get the little bit of work done that I needed, AND they understood that I needed time to myself as well. Last night, we just vegged on my couch and watched movies - "Legally Blonde" and "Office Space." We also watched a few scenes of "The Italian Job" just because we kept quoting Seth Green and I wanted to watch the real thing. But doing nothing, with no projects, papers, or work hanging over my head was FANTASTIC! I can't wait to do it again! I vow for the next two weeks, during our second forum, that I will take more time for myself - have fun with the other staff members and not take myself (and this job) so seriously.

Who wants to take bets on how long that will last? I'm pretty certain that I will be burnt out by the time I get to move home. Which, by the way, is a pretty nice place! Hotels are great, but my bed is still very appealing. Number one, I sleep with my dog. Number two, I love my sheets, even if they are less expensive than at the Renaissance. Especially the set on my bed right now - Ralph Lauren sheets that were a birthday present a couple years ago. Number three, I am always the perfect temperature in MY room, while I cannot find that temp in my hotel room - it's either too hot or too cold. Number four, it's at home!

Now that you have heard me babble about hotel living for the umpteenth time, I'm going to get back to work! Maybe I can quit early if I play my cards right! (Fat chance, but it's worth wishing, isn't it?)

the end is near

2005-07-13T11:35:00.000-07:00

Hallelujah, the "scholars" leave tomorrow! Nerves are very frayed, eyes are drooping, voices are loud...the whole bit. We're all ready for a good night's sleep and not having to deal with where we can take and what we can do with 300 students.

The other day I really flubbed up. We had 16 students scheduled to go to Memorial Hermann Hospital, but we had only 2 students scheduled for shadowing doctors. So, my BOSS when on the site visit, while I spent the day on the phone, trying to find departments and doctors that would take some students. I think they had a good time - they got a tour of the hospital and of Life Flight - but it was just crazy. I thought I would have the day to sleep because I didn't have anything else going on (just preparing for next week, when we do this all over again) but instead I was up at o'dark thirty, helping to get students out of their rooms when they overslept and making cold calls to Hermann Hospital.

But I went to bed early last night, and I slept in late this morning (no time for a shower!) so I feel somewhat better. I still can't wait for tomorrow! It's my birthday, the kids are leaving, and I have friends coming to spend the weekend! And I get to sleep in my own bed and cuddle with my dog (who misses me VERY much).

I have found that I've been more social the past couple of days. I actually went down to dinner last night to spend time with the other staff members, which I rarely do. It feels good to get out of the office and hear what everyone else is doing, especially since I helped negotiate their activities and speakers.

I think I will get to enjoy next forum more because I know what's going on, what we need to do ahead of time. Maybe I can actually talk with the speakers, listen to a few of them and have more fun than I've had so far. I think I have a higher sense of obligation - that I need to be working, that I can always find something else that needs to be done - while some of our other staff members feel fine with just hanging out when they haven't been assigned a task.

An observation that just came to me: that kind of attitude means that I might make a good manager, huh? I don't have to be assigned tasks - I can get things done without close supervision. Well, that makes me feel good about my future!

I just need to take things a little less seriously. I felt like it was MY personal responsibility that these students had fun this week and learned a lot. I started crying the other night because I was so frustrated that the Memorial Hermann visit wasn't ready and I was afraid that those 16 students would have a horrible day, when they came here to learn more about the medical profession (and paid a lot of money to do just that). Luckily, my boss saw my tears for what they were and helped me calm down. She was really cool with everything, even though it completely inconvienced her to have to go to the hospital with the students.

(Note on 7/17: Now that I think about it, I'm SURE lack of sleep had something to do with the tears as well, not just frustration!

I am actually posting this on 7/17. For some reason, Blogger didn't post by blog on the day I wrote it. Oh, well. I'm just glad it wasn't lost for good!)

Laura's Address at boot camp

2005-07-08T10:04:00.000-07:00

If you know Laura (and even if you don't and just want to write), send her a letter! She's gotta be lonely and I just got her address today, even though she's already been gone for a month.

PV2 Powell, Laura M.
Co A 3-13th Inf. Regt 1st BCTBDE
Plt 4 Lightfighters
5385 Jackson Blvd USA TC&FJ
Ft. Jackson, SC 29207-6100

impressions

2005-07-07T15:31:00.000-07:00

Can I just say that high school kids are better than I thought? I figured that some of the activities we have planned would be seen as cheesy or boring...but I keep hearing how excited they are, how much they enjoy even the worst speaker (c'mon, who wants to hear about podiatry?), and looking forward to even the worst sites (I pity those going to a nursing home...how will that help them make their decision to go into medicine?).

So far, no major snafus! It's been a quiet day - my boss is working from her hotel room and the students are off at a medical school until after dinner. And people are less annoying today! Is it them or me? I don't know...but I did get enough sleep last night, so that might have something to do with it.

I had hoped to have funny stories to share, but everything that's going on is only funny to me - a speaker frantically calling to say he's on his way, when he was speaking the NEXT night; a kid going to MD Anderson ER instead of Memorial Hermann (nothing big, just a kid with medical issues throwing up); ALL of the flights from Dallas being delayed; duct-taping the NYLF banner to the podium because someone forgot to put it up earlier; one of the faculty advisors making a student cry; people yelling at each other at 1 a.m. meetings; the copier breaking down because someone put in a whole pack of paper...liner and all; staff letting the students in the outside pool when there was lightning; a "Nebraska taco" eating contest...it goes on.

Funny stories from other forum cities? They were talking about evacuating New Orleans due to the hurricane! They already had a tropical storm (or depression?) with lots of water, and a hurricane was supposed to come through! (I haven't listened to the news today...where did it end up?) From Philly, the circle drive at the college campus they're at was backed up with parents double-parking everywhere, and then someone came in an old Mercedes that was smoking...they used 2 fire extuinguishers trying to keep the fire under control and it closed down that circle drive for a couple hours during the rush of registration. You just have to laugh it off later.

By the by, Nebraska tacos are regular tacos, just not seasoned. How in the world can a hotel kitchen in Houston, Texas, not season their meat! It reminded me of the time I had fajitas in Kansas, and my friend's mom pulled out a McCormick sauce mix to make them! Since when do fajitas have sauce??? And I chose Nebraska as my state of choice for naming them because half of our staff is from there.

The first few days were crazy, but I think I have the hang of things now...I better knock on wood when I say that!

the countdown has begun

2005-07-04T19:33:00.000-07:00

I apologize to all readers if I have been overly pessimistic lately. Can I just say the real world sucks. I am tired of being responsible, of living up to everyone's expectations, of getting the job done when other people slack off.

I will be glad when I am back at home, when this job is over. Everything is done at the last minute, and there's a lot of times when I have to help scramble, even when I've already been working all day, just because someone didn't think ahead. I don't have a job description; I just do everything that hasn't already been done. One of my issues - which I figure I have to get over fast - is that I'm telling these people that we're dealing with that something is going to get done, and then someone doesn't follow through!

Okay, that's enough!

Tomorrow, the "scholars" get here. The pandemonium begins! It should be fun, crazy, hard...all of the above and more.

Luckily, I was able to get rest this weekend at home, just chillin' with the animals on Saturday night. My dog has gotten very loveable since I have been away. It used to be that he would only stay on the bed until I fell asleep then sleep underneath the bed, but I woke up several times the other night, and he was still right beside me. And of course, the lummox of a boxer named Tsunami was right up against me on the other side...you try to move 60 pounds in the middle of the night to get more room!

And I watched "First Daughter" last night on pay-per-view. Yeah, I know...out of everything I could watch, I watched that?!?!? Well, it was cheaper than the other movies I wanted to watch (like the Interpreter and Hitch). And I wanted fluff...which it definitely was. The movie's premise is basically the same as "Chasing Liberty" with Mandy Moore, but I definitely liked Katie Holmes better than Mandy. The end could use some work, but the rest of the movie made up for a less-than-stellar movie.

So, happy Fourth, everyone! I hope to get back to my blog soon, but I can't promise anything until the 14th, when the first forum ends. See ya!

Hotels aren't all they're cracked up to be...

2005-06-30T20:39:00.000-07:00

As nice as my hotel room is, it is not home...but IS great to be taken care of!

I have definitely learned a lot about the people I work with...and how being around them 24/7 does not make them the greatest companions! And I am pretty open and talkative, and that's bitten me in the rear end a couple times already. My boss has the ability to completely flabbergast me...one minute she acts like my best friend, and then she uses whatever she knows against me! And as much as she might think otherwise...I AM NOT LIKE HER!

but enough complaining! Life could be much worse. My bed gets made every day, I get free food in the concierge lounge for breakfast and dinner, money for most meals... :o)

I was reading an article about Thanksgiving meals, and I was thinking about the great Thanksgivings I've had lately. Two years ago, Laura's dad paid for me to go to Phoenix and have Thanksgiving with Laura and Wes. We surprised her the night before Thanksgiving and Laura and I spent most of the night planning an extravagant dinner for everyone. She was so thrilled to see me (and I was so excited to get a free ride to see my friend!) and we had a lot of fun that weekend. Then last year, I got to spend Thanksgiving with my dad, who I hadn't seen in a while...2001, maybe? We had definitely grown apart and didn't talk very often, and I really felt like we cleared the air between us that weekend.
And my little sister! Completely cool. Connie is so great and a lot of fun...I don't talk to her as much as I should, but it seems that we can pick up where we left off every time we do talk.

Just a bit of reminiscing! Talk to y'all later!

ligers and more

2005-06-29T11:44:00.000-07:00

We're training for "emergencies" today - that means anything that CAN happen, though we pray to the Good Lord above that nothing happens. One of the higher-ups in the company that's here to help us told us about a situation that happened a few years ago in another city. She said that all 8 buses of students got stuck on the George Washington Bridge because a tiger got loose from the zoo. I'm not sure there's a way to prepare for emergencies like that.

Why were the students late to their next activity? Oh, a tiger got loose at the zoo...

that ranks right up there with "my dog ate my homework" Who's gonna believe THAT? But, as I have now learned, it can happen!

Expect the unexpected, right?

I'm trying my best

2005-06-27T18:39:00.000-07:00

I try to get to my blog and write occasionally, but I don't get it done as often as I would like. Thanks all of you who continue to read my blog!

We have begun training here at the hotel, and I'm hard at work! There are good days and bad days...today's definitely a good day! It was the first day of training and everybody was really nice and I got in touch with some speakers that we weren't sure would be able to speak (but they can!) And I'm done before 10 p.m.! I am in the office right now, with a little personal time to burn. Here's hoping I get some resumes out tonight!..or should I say, here's hoping some of the resumes I send out actually get me a job!

I was pretty discouraged yesterday because I don't deal with confrontation well and my boss was pretty mad at me for going to church (and working) that morning. It's not the whole "freedom of religion" thing, it was because I work there, and I am supposed to be working for her from now until August. It's just a matter that we have a different set of employees. I saw I had a couple hours that I wasn't necessarily needed in the office, so I headed out to church, when (I can admit now) I should have stayed at the hotel. Since training started today, Sunday was a pretty big day, which I didn't see beforehand. AND I don't know how helpful I was at church since my stomach was churning from the stress of dealing with it all!

My pastor Ken prayed over me and by the time I got back to the hotel I had calmed down. I get so incredibly dramatic - I really need to stop that! I make a big deal of small things, or just overanalyze so freakin' much!

ANYWAY...that's my life right now. Nothing very interesting, but very busy! Hopefully I will have some good stories to share in a week or so, when all the students arrive!

The lap of luxury

2005-06-23T09:33:00.000-07:00

Here I am, at the Renaissance Hotel! I will be here until the end of July and I have settled into my room already. For those of you who don't know, my well-paying job is working for a company called National Youth Leadership Forum, and in Houston, they do conferences for high school students interested in the medical field. In July, we're holding 2 10-day conferences and I just moved in to prepare. My room is on the 19th floor (top floor of guest rooms, no less!), right next door to the concierge lounge. When I got to my room yesterday, I found a big fruit basket with fresh and dried fruit drizzled in chocolate, and a fancy metal bucket filled with ice and bottles of Evian water. I'm living the hard life aren't I?

This job is a real wake-up call to the way that the rest of the world operates. I have always worked for Christians, if not in a church setting, at least in a very ethical workplace. Here, we deal with a lot of temporary staff, so it's harder to find people who take their job seriously and do the best job they can do. It's amazing how lazy people can be! It's always been obvious to me that I need to do my best no matter where I am, but that's not how most people think, I guess. And no one is willing to relinquish control, which means that there are at least three people who are all trying to take control, while I am just trying to understand what I need to do! No, I'm not perfect, and their bad moods usually rub off on me, but I am continually flabbergasted by the quality of work that I see around here. I promise, THAT won't rub off on me!

More from me later - I don't have my own computer, but I have access to one almost all the time. I will try to keep in touch while I'm here!

a new day, a new perspective

2005-06-16T19:00:00.000-07:00

Isn't it interesting what a couple hours and a good night's sleep can do for one's attitude? I was so frustrated when I wrote yesterday's blog, but after I had a few hours to myself (during which I got everything back in order), I was a much nicer person.

Yesterday, I was trying SO hard not to say anything about the situation because I knew I would be mean, angry and not fair. I told Sam - my boss (and worship pastor) at Faithbridge - enough for him to understand the problem (and he's pretty observant...it was clear things were not going smoothly) and he said, "why don't we debrief about this tomorrow? You gather your thoughts and figure out what we can do and we'll talk about it later."

First of all, we really didn't have time to talk anyway. But also, I would have said a whole lot of stuff that I didn't need to and I wouldn't have had the time to reflect on the whole situation. Talking about it today gave me time to write down exactly what was missing and what I needed and to cool down so I wasn't so dramatic. (can you imagine...me? dramatic?)

I am going to miss Faithbridge so much in July - my other job requires that I stay at the Renaissance Hotel downtown for the entire month (such is life!) and I won't be back at the church until August. No matter the difference in pay, I would rather stay at the church than earn a bunch of bucks.

@#$%$@#!

2005-06-15T14:30:00.000-07:00

I just have to say: Arrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!

Thank you.

This has been a stressful day and I have a million things on my mind and I cannot seem to get even one thing completed. AND NO ONE LISTENS TO ME (even when they really should)!

Only 29 shopping days left!

2005-06-14T21:40:00.000-07:00

In case you have forgotten, my birthday is soon approaching! I expect: a pony, a new laptop computer (preferably like the one I use at the church!), a large stack of $50s and a steak dinner. I don't think that's too much to ask, do you?

I will understand if I don't get the pony...I'm not sure I have a place for him to live anyway.

P.S. happy flag day. When I was 4, I looked at the calendar wrong and thought my birthday was on flag day. I was VERY excited about there being a national holiday on the day of my birth...for about 5 minutes until I realized my mistake (or my sister told me how ridiculous I was - take your pick).

Instead, I get Bastille Day! Yeah for me!

Content to linger

2005-06-10T10:00:00.000-07:00

I have said several times lately that I feel like I am the only one who doesn't have their stuff together. When Katie got married, I was like, at least everyone knows who they'll spend the rest of their life with! When Laura & Wes left for boot camp, I was like, at least everyone knows what they want to do! Oh, how I wish I was writing to say that I now can count myself a member of both of these groups!

I AM writing to say how incredibly self-centered those comments were. Katie & Josh got married...but they're trying hard to find out where and how to make a living - especially doing something they LIKE and would gladly spend the rest of their lives doing. Laura & Wes joined the Army...but the Army gives them a whole other set of problems, not the least of which is where they will be stationed and if they will be together. Missa & Joel have made a life in Germany...but they are trying to decide what the next step is - stay in the military or focus on Missa's career (and where should she do THAT?). Rachel has started her new life in Indianapolis...but moving means that she has to find friends, a church, where to spend her free time, and new places to shop! :o)

See? How silly of me to think I am the only one with questions about the future! And the more I think about it, the more I feel that God is just telling me to wait...He has great things in store. I was telling a friend just today about how incredibly God answers prayer. I prayed for years for reconciliation with someone close to me, especially because I had no hope of it happening. When God provided, He astounded me with His manner of doing so. And how bad things in life always bring about the good - isn't that totally awesome?

Have any of you read "In His Steps" by Charles Sheldon? One of his relatives later wrote "What Would Jesus Do?" which was a modern telling of the same story that led to the WWJD fad in the 90s. Anyway, "In His Steps" doesn't ask what Jesus would do...it asks: what would Jesus have ME do? To me, that's a completely different question. How does Jesus want me to live my life? The book is about several people who answer that question and write down several things about their lives they would change if they let that question guide their lives. I want to live like that. I want to live for God's glory...

"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him" - John Piper. Isaiah 26:8! My thoughts come full-circle. When I depend on God, when I wait on Him for the "best" instead of doing the "good", I am more satisfied...AND He is more glorified in me!

"We're in no hurry, Lord. We're content to linger in the path sign-posted with your decisions. Who you are and what you've done are all we'll ever want."

Thanks for traveling this thought process with me today, my friends. I had planned to be light-hearted today because my last post was serious, but my thoughts couldn't wait to get on paper...well, in print. I promise more levity in the future!

The 268 Generation, revised

2005-06-07T09:30:00.000-07:00

My best friend Laura leaves on Thursday for Army boot camp. While I am so proud of her, I'm sad that she's leaving and that we won't even be able to talk to each other for a while. And though this isn't about me, I'm still frustrated that I don't know what I'm doing in August, while Laura knows what she's doing for the next three years and 20 weeks. Or at least that whatever she's doing, that she'll be doing it for the Army, earning good money and serving her country.

So does that mean I want to join the military? I haven't decided. Maybe. But we can all agree that I need to lose weight before I do that, and I honestly don't know if they would take me anyway. The screw in my foot makes it questionable...if I can't get in, I can always take it out, but there is no guarantee that will work either. Also, I have carpal tunnel, and I don't think it just goes away on its own. Laura and I were doing pushups last night, and honestly, as hard as it was to do full-body pushups, it would have been a lot easier if my wrists and forearms didn't hurt while I did it.

So enough about how my body is already falling apart...When I got home last night after hanging out with Laura for one of our last nights, I started praying about the whole thing. My lack of direction, my desire to do the right thing and be in the right place, that Laura can survive basic and being away from Wes...and then I opened my Bible. I just got a new version of the Message and read Jeremiah 29:10-14. Part of it says: "When you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed--GOD's Decree." Just hearing the same thing in a different way was very reassuring.

But what really made the difference in my attitude was Isaiah 26:8. This is one of my very favorite verses because it succintly sums up how we should leave and what we live for. In the NIV, it opens with "Yes, Lord." Louie Giglio (creator of Passion, oneday, etc.) says that should be our answer, no matter what the question. In the Message, it says, "We're in no hurry, GOD. We're content to linger in the path sign-posted with your decisions. Who you are and what you've done are all we'll ever want." Am I content to linger right now? No way. But the Bible says I should be...content to wait for God to show me what's coming next. And I know it will be exciting, though I still feel somewhat impatient.

And that doesn't mean I can just sit back and wait. Of course, I need to be searching for a job. Wherever. Doing whatever. And the military? That might be an option. And if I want to consider it, I have to get in shape...physically AND spiritually. So, guys, pray for me! I have major decisions coming and I want to be ready.

My first-ever blog!

2005-06-05T20:30:00.000-07:00

Hey there, the few people who will actually read this! I feel like getting on the bandwagon, so here is my first blogspot...I've never been good at keeping a journal, but I am hoping I can update this semi-frequently. I know several friends who do, and it's a good way to keep in touch without continuing to ask "did you know this happened? I know I told someone..." Now I can say, you are SO behind the times! Just read my blog and it will tell you everything!

So...THAT was ultimate cheeze. Can you tell I'm a little unsure of what to write? :o)

Today, I saw "Madagascar" with three of my nephews. Their dad gave me money to take them to the movies while he took care of something...He gave me $40 and I spent $60! As they will tell you: "We had ICEEs, and popcorn, and M&Ms, and Sour Patch Kids, and bubble gum...then we had chocolate ice cream with chocolate toppings...and THEN we had pizza!" It's not cheap to indulge kids, especially 12-year-old with endless stomachs!

Aside: Madagascar was funny...not really big-screen, pay-a-lot-of-money-at-the-theater funny in my opinion, but good. I love David Schwimmer, and he did a great job as the hypochondriac giraffe. And the lemur king and his sidekick (Cedric the Entertainer) are great, as are the psychotic penguins.

I love my nephews (and niece!) - they are so much fun, even when they are pumped up on sugar and acting goofy. One of my favorite things to do with them is to just lay down on the floor, couch or bed and let them pile on top of me. We pass the time by seeing who can make everyone under them groan in pain the loudest. Or how long we can go without resorting to tickling, licking, biting or pinching to get the others off the pile. Yes, I AM mature.
Today, my mom got mad at us for being too rowdy. I don't know what the problem was - all we were doing was piling on the couch, near a glass coffee table with one of our dogs trying to join us! My newest favorite word: buzzkill...and that's what Mom was this evening. (You would have to remember the series from MTV to really understand where I got this.)

I also have a LoveSac that amuses us by the hour. For those of you not familiar with this, the LoveSac is a souped-up beanbag full of super-shredded foam pieces that makes for a good chair, bed...or landing spot for flying leaps. To reassure you, one of the boxes my LoveSac came in said "LoveSac.com is NOT a dirty website." It's really cool and I don't regret purchasing such a strange object to sit in - the dogs love it, the kids love it, I love it... You can visit my photo site to see some of the fun - just click on "Craig's fun on the LoveSac" for pictures of the flips they do from the bed to the sac.

Bethany