Friday, April 07, 2006

my trials and tribulations

Since no one in my family is either awake or around for me to complain to, you have the opportunity to hear it first-hand. It's nothing huge, and if you know me, it's nothing new.


Sometimes she makes me so frustrated, I want to cry. Of course, I slightly dramatic, so I'm probably over-reacting. But that doesn't change the fact that she's crazy!

The latest thing, which isn't big, but just another example of what I'm dealing with here: when my grandmother died, I got her round, glass-topped table, which went into storage because I was away at school. Then I think it hung out at someone's house for a while, and then Grandma wanted it. She said her table (which is slightly like mine, but larger, octagon, and with gold legs) was too big for their small apartment, and they started using mine.

Well, when I started talking about moving out, it came up that I was going to need the table back. And wouldn't you know it, her only response is, "Well, that table is too big for my place, and I gave it to your mother!"

SO FREAKIN' WHAT?!?! That doesn't change the fact that you are using MY table! A table that I liked so much that I asked for it when Grandma Perkins died. A table that I paid good money to store for over a year so I could use it when I got my own place. A table that's stinkin' hard to move, but I've done so several times, just so I could keep it! Not to mention the fact that I can't stand her table - it's got a crack in it, and I HATE gold.

Yeah, yeah...I'm not moving out right now, but it came up again tonight. I reminded her of our division of property here at the house, because she was flabbergasted that my mother wanted a new dining room set. "But what is she going to do with that table?" Yes, because you gave it to her, Grandma, she should want to treasure it the rest of her long life! Because you conveniently forgot that the table you are currently using is NOT YOURS, you will be able to keep it...

I am so tired of having to put up with her logic - if it's not her world, it's not worth talking about. Since her life revolves around my dog, her cat, her health, and cleaning her small apartment, she cannot fathom why I want to sit around on Saturdays when I could be doing something to organize, clean, or otherwise engage myself. And don't bother telling her that you have stressful things in your life, just like her - I feel like she doesn't understand that I have a life outside this house, outside my family, and outside her realm of existence. (You can tell I'm angry - I'm getting verbose.)

When I try to rebel and not give in to the manipulation and insinuations, my relationship with her is on even rockier grounds. I hate how manipulative she is, and I hate how I respond. I've said to her before that we say things to each other, just to get on the other person's nerves, and it's true! I'm trying to annoy her enough so she changing how she acts, and she's acting like normal, waiting for me to give up and give in.

I am sick and tired of manipulation. I feel like everyone uses it, including me. I'm tired of responding to it, and I'm tired of using it - whether or not it gets me what I want.

Thanks for letting me vent...happy thoughts to come...

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